You might be thinking...okay I knew bethany was strange....but after the title to this note, you might be really confused. Let me explain the title...and perhaps you will still think "how odd" but that is okay!
It seems here lately that the title of this note is what God has been saying to me! God, in my personal time with Him, and also through a conou trip has been reminding me that my life is in His hands, and that He controls when I die. I do not even know if I will be able to live long enough to finish this note, but God does and not only that but He also controls whether I do or not! WOW! What an odd baffling thought!
He has a reason why I am still breathing, and continue to. I don't have to worry about my death or protecting my life because I will only lose my life when God says and I will only die when it is HIS time for me to. Thus I do not need to fear anything that happens to me! And it just seems that lately God has been reminding me of this fact and also of the fact that life is short! And that I need to be doing what I can when I can, while I can!
We are only a moment....a breath from death every second of everyday! There are so many thing that threaten our very lives, every second of our lives. We are so weak and frail and cannot even control nor could possibly know what is going to happen in between right now, and the time when you will read my next sentence! God has been convicting and working in my heart and life about this these past few days in my devotions....in fact it seems to be my current "reoccuring theme" and as with anything, if God keeps telling me the same thing day in and out I think I had better listen the first time anyway but def. all the times after that! So here is what God has taught me over the course of a week!
And the scary thing is He did not just use His word, to reiderate the fact that I cannot control my own life, He also used a canou trip to get my attention in regards to this lesson that He is currently teaching me. Weird thing is I cannot figure out why He is teaching me this ONE lesson...but funny thing is maybe I don't NEED to know....maybe I just need to trust Him and realize that His plans and thoughts are not mine...and that I don't think like He does...nor always see why He does what He does, and that is okay! I just need to take Him at His Word! God says it and whether I accept it or not THAT SETTLES IT!!
I have been studying Psalm 90 and the following are the lessons that I have been taught:
"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. - I learned from this verse that even in this world of unknowns God is to be mmy refuge, the Person I trust in... but why should I trust Him? And in the next verse I found the answer
"Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.- I saw here in verse two that I should and can trust Him because He created this earth and has a plan for it and to put it very simply HE IS GOD...Need I any other explanation? This friends, silenced me.( "Be still and know that I AM GOD!" kind of idea) I should not need any other explanation! The next verse shows just how much He is in control of my life, whether I acknowledge it or not!
So verse two makes verse one absolutely logical! It would only make sense that I the creature, would trust the Creator that made me and knows me better than I know myself! I love how God's Word connects!
"You turn men back to dust, saying, "Return to dust, O sons of men." - Psalm 90:1-3 God reminded me here that He controls when I die. With this truth I was confronted with the sin of worry! I don't need to worry about death, because I will die when it is His time, not any sooner or later, and it will be what is best for me and for His glory! It is not about me...what I can accomplish in my life, but what GOD accomplishes through me and about HIS GLORY! And I only pray that He will do whatever it takes to show His glory through me, even if it means that I be called home. I will only go home, to my true home when He calls me...when He says 'Return to dust, O sons of men." And He not only controls my death but also everyone elses as well!
Note it said "sons of men" this is everyone!
" For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night." Psalm 90:4 Here God showed me/reminded me that He does not think like I do! And I was convicted of how much I think of Him in human terms! In fact anytime I worry I am thinking of God as a mere human....I am telling Him that "He can't handle this problem...or that person" a lack of trust in God demonstrates that I have forgotten that God is God, and that He is ALL POWERFUL and does what He pleases, He is not human, does not think like I do, and thus I should not think of Him that way!
"You sweep men away in the sleep of death; they are like the new grass of the morning-
though in the morning it springs up new, by evening it is dry and withered." Psalm 90:5-6
Here I was reminded that my life is short! It feels like just yesterday I was a freshmaun at college...telling myself that college would take FOREVER! And already I am in my third year ( hard to believe..what a surprise I survived! hee hee) TIME FLYS! It seems to go slow, but then you blink and already the years have flown...the children have grown, and you are five years older!
I remember times when I would get stuck in the trench of thinking, (though not aloud) that I am immortal. Sometimes I get caught up in living everyday like my life will never end. Then God does something, or says something to me through His Word and reminds me of how frail I am. The first lesson I ever had in this happened when I was only eight. My mom said that we needed to go see dad at his office, so we, Krista and I and my brother Joseph hopped into the car and drove to my dads office at Fellowship Baptist Church (Des Moines) where he was the associate pastor. I remember shuffling in there, excited to hear what possible news mom would have for us that would cause us to just get up and go to church. When we got there she informed us that she was pregnant. We were all very excited! I even remember jumping up and down with Joseph and Krista. This jubilation turned very quickly to mourning when my little brother Joshua was called home to be with Jesus before he could even meet any of us.
I still think about him, what he would have looked like...what it would have beem like to have four brothers...but the lesson I learned ( and the reason I am telling you about Josh is this: I learned at eight the frailty of life. Josh's death came as a shock to everyone. He had gotten the cord wrapped around his kneck and had suffocated...my mom delivered him stillborn. I learned that NO ONE ( not even a baby who has not even taken a breath yet) is garunteed tommorow) But obviously it did not stick!
For a few years later, when I was 14 or 15, a young boy that my mother used to babysit was killed at the young age of ten in a car accident. Eric was hit by a speeding car when he was crossing the street to go to church for Awana on a cold novemeber evening. His death too came as a shock. It was devastating for me and I did not know him well...I think the reason for this is that he was just a boy...just a kid and he died...just like that!
Yet again a few years later after I repented of my sin of an eating disorder and got back on track with God, He showed me just how close I came to death during my sin. (If you want to know the details on this story you can look up my note on here entitled "My secret: or so i thought?" it has the whole story of my sin and confession and turn around and also explains just how close to death I was ) no I was not hospitalized or anything..but I will say that I was playin with death itself...and if God had not gotten a hold of me, death would have won! So perhaps you are thinking okay you learned your lesson after that....NOPE!
Yet again a few years later I had to be reminded yet again of the frailty of life this time through my sixteen year old cousin's heart attack. She was healthy and strong, playing in a soccer game one minute, the next minute she was lying on the soccer feild...her heart had stopped. No one had any control or power....we were all powerless to help her, but it was not her time to go for God had other plans! He was in control and had a reason for that...one of which I think was to remind me that life is short and we are not garunteed tommorrow!
So you would think that all these would be enough...that I would have this lesson on the frailty of life and God's control over my life down flat! WRONG!! He still is reminding me of this! But esp. as I have been stating over the past week through Psalm 90...which reminds me...after going through some stories of my life...I think it is time to come back to psalm 90...
And perhaps now I should explain myself a bit. When I do my devotions I usually only end up reading one or two verses at a time, because I am trying to write down and record every single thing about God in each verse of the psalms that I read ( it has become quite a list! The psalms has ALOT to say about Him!) So as I read this psalm I learned one day about the frailty of life, then the next I learned something else, but then the next day after that the Psalmist goes back to that thought ( the frailty of man) thus it has become a reoccuring theme with me! And again I state that God must have a reason for this!
Psalm 90:10 "The length of our days is seventy years— or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away."- Again after only a few days God reminded me that life is short. Thus in the application part of my notebook I wrote : I need to be redeeming the time..literllly buying it back...for it is SO short! And can so easlily be wasted...like water spilt on the ground...it cannot be gathered back up...thus all I do is use the rest that is there the best I can! I need to be using the time God gives me wisely...for I am not garunteed tommorrow..and even if I were life is So short and it will end and then what will I have to show for God gave me? How will I have used God's gift of life? I was reminded of the song "Only one life to offer."
Only what is done for Him will last!
And here in my most recent devo God showed me the only right reaction to these truths of the frailty of my life and His control over it and death:
Psalm 90:12
"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." He showed me that the application that I had been writing all along ("Redeeming the time") was the right application! I need to ask that He teach me to number my days...you see that is why I have to keep being reminded ( and always will) that my life is short. I need too be reminded because I forget! It is not something that comes naturally for me..I do not naturally think to myself every morning "this could be my last day....I could die today...i need to use my time wisely" nope I need to ask God to help me to think this way and not only to think this way but to live this way and to allow this truth to affect ALL I say and do!
Imagine how better my relationships with people would be if I lived these truths out...I mean after all it could be my last time with them...these could be my last words...last discipling moment...will I use it to encourage...or put down...will I take it or just let it go?
Imagine how different my ministries would be! This could be my last time singing in church...playing....teaching...calling on people.
Imagine how it would affect my evangelism!
No wonder God calls this WISE thinking! For it would help EVERY situation if I would just number my days and redeem the time!!
And it not only states numbering your days ( or living in light of the fact that life is short) is wise here but it also states it again in Eph. 5:16-17 (redeeming the time passage)
"See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,
Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is." Did you catch it too? It is wise to redeem the time, to use and see our time for what it really is a stewardship and as with any stewardship, we are only given so much of it and for such a time...but the time will come when it will be taken back by its rightful owner ( in our case God) and will He be pleased with how I have used HIS time? It is not mine. Funny how when we borrow a book, or a movie, or anything from someone we always take better care of it than we do of our own book or movie, or you fill in the blank...should it not be the SAME with GOD?
Okay now that I have taken you through how God taught me this lesson through His marvelous word, let me share how He taught me this through an event in my life...and I really hate to do this..but if you want to know about this you are going to have to read the second note I will post on here about it to get "the rest of the story" until then may you just reflect on the truths from God's Word!...plus this note has gotten longer than expected...so I think it will be safer to just write a second note..so be looking for it :)
"See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,
Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is." Eph. 5:16-17
REDEEM THE TIME FOR WE ARE NOT PROMISED TOMMORROW:
"You sweep men away in the sleep of death;they are like the new grass of the morning-
though in the morning it springs up new, by evening it is dry and withered." Psalm 90: 5-6
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