Giver of gifts!

                                                 
What does the word “gift” even mean? Here is the dictionaries definition:

1.“something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor towardsomeone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.”

2. something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or withoutits being earned: Those extra points he got in the game were a total gift.


The sound of shredding paper is deafening, the shrieks, the screams, the laughs, the thrills, the joy lighting upon the faces. What Christmas day must look like to the Maker of it! What it must sound like, all combined and done simultaneously! What does He hear on that day? He sees it all and hears everything, and to think, every gift that anyone receives on that day (or any day) they have only because of Him. So really He is the Giver of all gifts!  And I am tempted to think on that day, do I even give thought to the giver of all gifts?

People rushing everywhere, they shove this person aside, running into that cart, grabbing anything and everything in sight. They stand in line after line, hour after hour, just to buy gift after gift for the special people in their worlds. Chaos! Pure chaos! Those are the words that best describe the all dreaded “black Friday.”

From that Friday on, the stores are filled with people looking for gifts for everyone on their lists. Some people’s lists are bigger than others, but their goal is all the same : to get a gift for someone in their world, to make that person feel special and loved.
We all know the feeling of joy, that inexpressible happiness, that surge of love and excitement, that comes when someone opens the gift we bought for them.

Whether you are a millionare and have just gifted your child with the latest  most expensive gifts, or you are the little child who has saved his money to buy his mother her favorite candy bar and give her his home-made card, the joy in giving is all the same. It does not matter whether you spent a lot, a little, or even none at all, a gift is a gift, and the joy of giving is always the same!
I can remember giving someone a gift this past summer, and it was a pretty substantial gift, it cost me something.

I also recall taking part in a “white elephant” in my dorm at Faith a few weeks ago. We were not allowed to spend any money, but rather had to give stuff that we found in our rooms and did not mind giving away. I took great care in going through my room, I made sure to find things that people would want and use. To be quite honest, both joys in giving were the same! Oh sure, the price tags were much, much different, but the joy was the same!

I wonder if the Giver of all gifts feels the same? And to answer that question, I give a definite YES! Why? Because we are made in the very image of God, and so we know that He feels that same joy, that inexpressible happiness.

However His is much different, it is fuller! He knows it better than we do, because ours is marred and tainted by sin, and often has a streak of selfishness in it, making it less tasteful and real. God’s however is pure, and a holy joy! You cannot separate His attributes, He is all merciful and yet all justice at the same time. WE cannot comprehend this because we are finite, and He infinite. So in other words we get only a small ray of this joy, God gets the whole sun! We get a small drop, God gets the whole cup!

I got to thinking about this idea gift giving last night, when I shared the Christmas story (the greatest gift) with the Kids at Kid’s club last night. And ironically, but definitely not coincidental this morning I opened my Bible to Ps. 127:2, and read about gifts that God gives again, see if you can catch it:

“It is vain for you to rise up early,

To sit up late,
To eat the bread of sorrows;
For so He gives His beloved sleep.”


Did you catch that gift? Sleep! God gives us sleep! He invented it, made it so that our bodies needed it, why He even provided a specific time for it, when there is minimal light so that we can get the rest we need!

Ironically the next verse I read in devotions also holds another gift inside of it. Psalm 127:3:

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.”


This one is more well-known. We have often seen it on posters in the nursery. And I’m sure that you, like me, have used this passage to remind you of this truth, especially when the children in your world are being exceptionally hard!

While I was encouraged reading about these two gifts that my Beloved Heavenly Father has given me, and while it was a joy to reflect on the specific “rest” He has given me (I let myself sleep in till 6:30 this morning instead of rising at 5am lol). And while I enjoyed reflecting on the specific children He has gifted me with (my cousin whom I get to see everyday, and also another babysitting child my mom watches, my neighbors and the kids at all stars whom I saw last night). While all that was joyful to reflect on and thank the Lord for this morning, I was also spanked by my Father this morning.

The “spanking” is found in the first part of verse 2 of psalm 127.

It says  "It is vain for you to rise up early,

To sit up late,
To eat the bread of sorrows;”


At first this verse seems to be able to preach and push for a 7pm “go to bed time” and a9am “wake up time.” This way we would not be rising early, or sitting up late. But that’s where the end of the verse comes in: “To eat the bread of sorrows.” To eat the bread of sorrows is pointless and wasteful. It is meaningless. So NO this verse is not saying go to bed early and wake up late, rather it is telling us to get the rest we need. Not to rise early to do frivolous and pointless things (which would be my tendency because I am an early bird) and not to stay up late doing pointless and frivolous things.
Instead we are to use the time we have been given wisely, so that we will not abuse the gift of sleep that God gives us!

Just like with any gift we give to others, God’s gifts can be abused! That is the point of the first part of Ps. 127:2. It is talking about how we abuse God’s gift of sleep. We want too much, or take too little.

Very tragically, and much worse perhaps, is how the gift found in the next verse (Ps. 127:3) is abused. We all know that the abuse of children, the precious and wonderful gift God has given, has been abused. I don’t need to expound on the ways they are abused: abortion, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. The numbers and ways are countless. The stories sickening, the lives ruined, heart wrenching.

And I have only touched on two of the gifts of God! These two, are gifts God has given, and yet as with every gift He gives, we take them for granted. How often do we unwrap His gifts only to be found ungrateful, wanting more, or wanting something different (and I am not just talking solely about the two gifts of sleep and children above, I am speaking to all His countless gifts!) We are found abusive of the wonderful gifts He gives.

And to think, that He, like us, longs to see us unwrap His gifts and use them. Longs to see the warmth and the smiles light upon our faces, to hear the joyous shrieks, and chuckles and laughter (depending on your age). To see us use them in the proper way, timing, and the proper amount!

But so often He finds us doing the exact opposite! And to think, everyday is a gift giving day for Him! Not just on our birthday, not just on Christmas, but EVERYDAY He LOADS us with gifts to enjoy! And to think that sometimes we do not even notice, we totally miss that He gave us a gift.

Have you ever been there? I’m certain you could easily think of a time that you gave a gift to someone and they abused it, or were ungrateful, or wanted more, or something different, or took too much, or perhaps they didn’t say “thank you” (like the nine lepers) but have you ever given a gift and had the person not even notice that you had given them a gift? To be honest, I’ve had all the above happen, but never had I seen someone not notice a gift I have given. And yet we do that to God, and often it is because we do not even know that He has given us a gift. Or we don’t recognize it as from Him.

And so with those thoughts, spurred by my time with God this morning, my heart was stirred to search scripture and to find more of the gifts from the Giver of all gifts. This way I can be grateful, I can see how not to abuse them! And so here is some of the things I have found. But I did’nt find them all (we may never until we reach Heaven)!!

I would be SO encouraged if you would go and search too! Join my in this quest, to unwrap the gifts from the Giver of ALL GIFTS! Come, join me at the Christmas tree, and please share what you unwrap here as a comment. Share the verse, and what has been given (if it is not explicitly obvious). THANKYOU! And may you and I take great JOY in unwrapping these gifts, and in bringing JOY inexpressible to the Giver’s heart as well!!

The greatest Gift ever given, without whom would be no other gifts: JESUS CHRIST, the sacrifice for sins!
Gen. 3:15 (the Proto evangelium= first mention of the gospel)
“And I will put enmity

Between you and the woman,
And between your seed and her Seed;
He shall bruise your head,
And you shall bruise His heel.”


The end of this verse talks about the fact that Satan would bruise Christ’s heal (the crucifixion) which we know would not be that bad of a wound, but Christ would bruise Satan’s head, which is a deadly blow! We have the victory!!

There are countless other places where the greatest of gifts is recorded, but probably the most well known is John 3:16, don’t let this just pass as normal, just mundane, as often it does! Think of the magnitude of love that the Father had for us! For me He died!

John 3:16
“For God so loved”: This answers why He gave the gift, everyone has a reason as to why they give the gifts they have.

“the World”: You know many many people, but chances are you will not give everyone a gift, but God did!

“That He gave”:Just like all His gifts, or any gift for that matter, it is undeserved and you can’t do anything to earn it!


“His only Son.”: It was’nt like so many of the gifts that we give, which take really no sacrifice at all. This was His one and ONLY Son! This was a sacrifice!


“That whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but will have everlasting life.”: All gifts have a benefit, a certain reason and way that they bring joy to the gifted, and the gift that God gave was no different! Jesus Christ would bridge the gap, He would make it possible for humans, the created, to once again have fellowship with God, the Creator!

Imagine it, before there was time, God decided to make a world with the Holy Spirit and Jesus His Son. And they all are omniscient, they know everything, even the future, they knew that one of their top creations (Angel, Lucifer) would fall, and with Satan many other angels would fall as well. And they also could see what would happen next, they knew that Satan would tempt Eve, and she would fall and Adam with her. And that sin would reign in every man’s heart after them.


They saw and knew this would happen. But they also knew that Jesus would pay the price. Jesus would do it, it was planned from the beginning of time, and out of love for man!

It is the gift that surpasses ALL time!! It is the One gift that we always will have!


Here are some of the first gifts that were placed under the Christmas tree of life:


1. Gen 1-2: He gave us creation!!!


2.Gen. 2:7: He has given us a body (“He formed man”). And He has given us life, and not just life like the animals have, He breathed into us eternal life! Two deep and crucial truths can be found within this gift.


A. We are separate from animals. We are different!
B. We will live forever! No matter who you are you will live FOREVER. The question is not if you will live forever, but rather where you will live (heaven or hell) and how you will live. If Hell is the destination then it will be a life forever stuck in ones sinful heart and depraved body.

The worse thing about hell is perhaps not the heat, perhaps not the darkness, perhaps not the thirst, but rather that one is stuck forever in their sin, unquenched, and growing day by day but never satisfied!

Or if the destination is Heaven, then life abundant, free from sin and with your Savior, finally able to Worship Him in truth and out of a pure heart!

So the gift in this verse is life eternal:

“And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.”


3.Gen. 2: 21-24: God gave us companionship, (this is the passage where He created Eve for Adam). He gave us family as well.


4. Gen. 1:29: He gave us plants specifically:

Then God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you;

5. Genesis 9:2 : God gave us the fear of man in animals, and aren’t you glad! I mean it is bad enough when they do have the fear of man (we still hear of animals attacking people) can you imagine how much worse it could be without the fear of man in animals? Can you imagine what it would be like if the dominion mandate had not been given?

“And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be on every beast of the earth, on every bird of the air, on all that move on the earth, and on all the fish of the sea. They are given into your hand.”


6. Genesis 12:7: This obviously applies only to those who are of Jewish descent. God has given the land of Israel to the Israelites:

Then the LORD appeared to Abram and said, “To your descendants I will give this land.” And there he built an altar to the LORD, who had appeared to him.



I’ve barely scratched the surface folks! There is much more to be found in Scripture! To be shared just from your own life! Please share! So that we can join one another in thanks to our Wonderful, Gracious, merciful, loving, GIVER OF ALL GIFTS!!

I Don't Have to See

Ever felt like God might be angry with you? Ever felt slapped by God? 
Me neither…. until recently.

It was a Friday night and we were going to Texas Roadhouse with some friends from church, all was right in the world (I mean we were AT TEXAS ROADHOUSE! Lol). That night both couples that we went out with announced they were pregnant. I sat there; trying to swallow my food past the lump in my throat that I’m shamed to even say was there. I was happy for them, don’t get me wrong, but mixed in was a deep set ache in my own heart. I should be only happy for these two ladies now expecting their first. But instead my heart was sinking. A great hole was torn in it and it was taking on water.  I desperately tried to bale out the water and keep it from completely taking me under...I couldn’t lose it right there in front of them...no I need to be only happy. So I painted a smile as best I could and congratulated them. 

When we got to the car I still kept it all in check as best I could. But then it came, the news that a close friend of mine was now expecting as well. My heart was going under now, no hopes of bailing would ever keep it afloat.

I can hardly believe I am writing this, but I was seething that night....angry! At who you may ask....God.

*Gasp*... Did I just write that (peeking out from under my hands). Yes, I was angry at God. For gifts He sent to others? How dare I!  

To be honest, that night I completely lost it! I said not a word to Josh the entire hour it took to get home. When we arrived home I bedded down my precious Miriam and then shut myself in the guestroom.

There, alone with God the tears came forth in torrents! I grabbed pillows and squeezed them and screamed. I would’ve prolly been louder by my dear baby was sleeping right next door. 

I cried that night harder than I ever had! My mom and sister kept trying to call…I ignored them. I was confused, how could the God I have loved and am learning to know, do something like this to me?  He knows I had been praying for another child since Miriam was 6 months old (I am crazy… I know).  He listened everyday as I prayed  every single time I fed Miriam solid food (which was 3 times a day) plus any other time I thought if it...which was alot.

 I do this and with no real answer and now 6 months later, in one night alone 3 people, one of which being my best friend, announce they are expecting...it honestly felt like God slapped me in the face 3 times! How could the God I’ve known do this to me? This just didn’t seem like Him at all!

For some reason when I bring up my eating disorder people freeze, they are not sure what to say…do…or even think. Perhaps it is due to it being a “Taboo” thing, perhaps people just don’t really know that much about it…who knows. At any rate they do. I have struggled and struggled and STRUGGLED with this sin, since I was 16 or so. However, there have been a couple of times in my life when I nearly was ore come by it. One being when I was 18 years old…the other time was the summer of 2012 just before I was married. Both times I had planned to rebel against God, I had planned to lose a ton of weight. Both times God used people (often just passing comments from people that ended up adding up in the end)…His Word to get my attention. He just won’t let me go! How thankful I am that He doesn’t!

After having a child, it changes one’s body COMPLETELY! I weighed out at 145 when I was at my biggest in my pregnancy! That is a lot of weight for me! So of course I planned to lose weight…so I did. At first it was fine, pounds here and there. Nothing crazy at all, but God knows my heart! He saw that it was starting to get to my heart again…He saw me begin to erect the idols again in my heart. People around me probably didn’t even see a problem…He did though, and that is all that matters!

I tell you this because back there…in the bedroom scene…me screaming…crying…angry with God…there God broke me! He gently showed me what I was beginning to do in my heart. I could hear His voice clearly that night “Bethany, I know your plans…I can see what you are doing, DON”T! Stop this here and now, before it takes you completely!”

So I surrendered there in that guestroom once again…like I did when I was 18…like I did when I was 22 at camp serving as a cook. I purposed to eat better, purposed to quit letting thoughts of calories…weight…exercise.. run my thoughts, and just turn my focus to Him.

To many of you, this seems SO small! Like a little mole or ant hill….but for me this is MT. EVEREST! It is a mountain I’ve climbed and climbed! Reached the top only to slide back down, scraping my knees all the way. But each time God brought to my attention my backsliding and gave me courage…hope…and strength to keep at it, to keep climbing! I give up time and again but HE NEVER DOES! AMEN???!!

So you might be thinking “that is awesome Bethany! Im so glad God revealed that to you and got a hold of you again.” Or maybe you are like “Seriously, again?? She struggles with this still??”….Either way you are either like this story is nice or annoying. Wish it ended here, but it doesn’t!

After crying, confessing and asking God’s forgiveness I went back to my own room. The next day I started to implement the changes. Eating more, focusing on Christ.  I knew I couldn’t just change as a way to try to manipulate God (which you can’t actually manipulate God into ANYTHING that is why I wrote TRY there) into giving me a child. I knew I had to change because I needed it. I also knew that I needed to be content with the child God has already given me. I needed to ask Him to do His will, not mine. So I kept going. It was an up and down thing, for both the eating disorder and contentment. Sometimes I was fine, other times not so much.

A week later, I started to have some symptoms of pregnancy, my heart soared! So I took a test and got a very faint positive. Slightly excited, yet a little skeptical a couple days later I took another, it was still faintly positive, but it was getting more prominent! I WAS ESTATIC! YAY! I so wish and ache to be able to say that my story, this story ended here, but it doesn’t.  The week I took these tests I was very sick with a stomach bug. Long about Thursday night the sickness hit its peak, I have never felt that sick in my entire life! That night was also the night I started bleeding. So my hope for pregnancy was dashed right there. I began hoping instead that those pregnancy tests had been “duds” so to speak. That they had been false positives and that my time of the month had just come.  The next day I decided I had better go to the doctor.

As I sat in her office, she began explaining things to me. She said that my sickness was probably just a passing illness (tests showed that this was true). She also said “that false positives are very rare, and that most likely you had been pregnant but you have lost the (she hesitated a little here) embryo.” (Which is true, the test came back and I was pregnant, but I took another today and it was negative, so indeed I did lose it).

 I just stared at her, I wanted to (and should have) said “You don’t have to call it an embryo you can call it what it is, I lost the baby.” But I didn’t L. Her hesitation tells me one of two things, either she didn’t believe it was an embryo but had to say that, or perhaps she believes it is only an embryo and wasn’t sure how I would take that, not knowing my beliefs.

Either way, I got to thinking that calling it an embryo makes it less of a big deal. So I lost an embryo, big whoopty doo dah…but I know better. It was in fact a little soul that didn’t make it.

I said it before that being born…being ALIVE (the fact you are reading this now) in and of itself is a miracle due to all the factors that work against us from conception to birth (or even before conception)! I said that with only a head, or  a “book” knowledge about it so to speak…but now I say it from experience!

I questioned God again after that doctor’s appointment. I know, you might be thinking, “what a weak Christian to have something so small tip her scale.”…I’ve actually thought this myself. Something so small started me questioning God. Which I’ve never really questioned God. Not when we lost Joshua  , my little brother when he was but 16 weeks old. Not when my cousin had a heart attack at 16. Not when my dear friend Gina lost her precious boy Simon…and  not when we lost Grandpa Duffy last year. Yes in those times I was fearful…and sad but I always had an unwavering faith that God had a hidden reason. But now, when it hit SO close to home (no it actually hit my home!!) I began to question God for the first time in my life! Why would He give me a hope of pregnancy (two positive tests) only to have them dashed? Why would He allow so many around me the joy of an expectant baby but not me?

The answer I’ve come to: I DON’T KNOW! Profound, I know J….

I don’t see the answers…I surrendered to God about my eating disorder…I’m striving to be content…but it is still raining on me.I chose the right path, but the “goods” didn’t come. I’m still here broken, aching and waiting!  I don’t know why...but I don’t need to know!

I do NOT need to see a visual of His love for me (granting me a baby), I already have one: The wounds of His Son Jesus Christ speak louder!

I do not have to see to believe His promises! I don’t have to have Him answer my prayer for another baby, I know He will in His time, or He won’t and He will give me the grace and strength to walk through whatever He decides.

I do not need an explanation from God but a revelation! I say this because I don’t need to know why He is doing what He is doing, rather I just need to know Him better! Recently Josh and I were talking about all that has taken place, the hopes built and then dashed…and I told him “This just doesn’t seem like the God I have always known.” For the first time Josh didn’t have a real good answer to that statement. However, God does, He reminded me gently what He had to remind Job of, that just when we seem to think we know God He shows us that we actually don’t! He may show us through something new about Him we find in His Word, or He may show us through circumstances in our lives.

 Here I was thinking I knew God, that I somehow had Him all figured out, and He showed me that I do not know Him as well as I thought! “Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways, And how small a whisper we hear of Him! But the thunder of His power who can understand?” Job 26:14   All we know of God is the mere edges of His ways, the tip of the iceberg so to speak. All we know of Him is what we could know of a conversation from mere whispered fragments. We never “arrive” in our knowledge of God, there is something to be learned always!

This is what God has been showing me lately in my quiet time with Him and what He has shown me in the recent circumstances of my life. I honestly do not know Him like I thought I did, and that is both humbling and a challenge to pursue Him even more. And not just a mere head knowledge but WISDOM! That is knowledge applied, not just knowing Him but knowing what to do with what I know of Him! Allowing what I learn of Him to impact the way I talk, the choices I make, the things I do! This is why I say I do not need an explanation from God but rather a revelation of Himself, of myself, of His Son, what He wants of me etc.

He has given me two gifts so far (children). One He allowed me to keep, the other He took away before it could even start to grow…I do not know why, but I do know this, He loves me (John 3:16). I do know He will give me strength (Phil. 4:13), and He only gives us what we can handle. So right now, my life is what I can handle and for that I’m thankful. No it isn’t easy; yes it is a daily, sometimes moment to moment struggle. Sometimes I am up, sometimes I am down. My heart aches to hold another child, my heart aches from the loss…but God is sovereign!  I used to think that if God would just answer my prayer for another child, then I would know He loved me, know that He looked on me with pleasure….but now I know better! I know better when I take a look at Christ and His wounds! I know better because God swooped down and showed me through all this that I don’t have to see to believe!

He has dealt Bountifully with me!

I’m just blown away with how good God is! Often I think to myself "I just cannot believe God did this for us! Leading us as He has, providing for us as He has, giving us Miriam as He has, giving us such loving ad God fearing parents as He has, giving us such an amazing and humble, loving, godly, growing group of people we get to call "church family"...for the trials He has given us to make us more like Himself.. But most of all for sending His Son Jesus Christ to die and rise again so that we can be free from sin and death! And all this is just the tip of the iceberg!

 Im just bragging on my awesome, loving, all powerful, incomprehensible, immutable, merciful and gracious and sovereign God today! Ps. 13:6  I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me. “We recently celebrated Christmas with the Duffy side for the 2014.

 You see the Duffy 2014 Christmas celebration was supposed to take place in July...but instead of celebrating Christ's birth, we had grandpa Duffy's funeral. Oh the irony! The very day we planned to get together to celebrate Christmas, was in fact the very day we celebrated Grandpa’s promotion to heaven and layed him to rest! Man plans his way, but God orders his steps! How Im finding that more and more true the further and further I go in this life!

 At this recent Christmas gathering, we all felt that empty place…we all saw the empty chair...we all felt a sting as my dad read the Christmas story in Grandpa’s stead. We all carried on, laughing and joking like we always do, but from time to time it would hit us, that Grandpa was gone. This Christmas, and every one after would never be the same.  But probably the one hurting most that day was my grandmother. Here she was trying to celebrate...trying to laugh and be quote on quote "normal", when in her heart are pangs of the pain of losing her husband just six short months ago. 

Grandpa was always a quiet man, so one might think his lack of presence wouldn’t even affect us. But I tell you, one doesn’t have to be loud and talk a lot to be missed. His gentle, quiet and humble spirit was missed. His prayer that always contained the whole of the gospel for all to hear was missed.

We talked…we ate…we fellowshipped together and caught up with one another. But soon the time came to open gifts. We all got quiet as Grandma began to speak. She had just finished walking around our ever growing circle, handing out envelopes to each member as she went. With tears in her eyes, she started to speak but then lost it completely. Many of us (me included) had to swallow back the lumps in our own throats.  We waited for her to gain her composure. When she did, it blew me away what this God-fearing woman I get the privilege to call “Grandma” had done. She told us that she had thought there wouldn’t be enough money for Christmas this year (last year rather…remember what I told you earlier? Just checking lol). But she purposed in her heart and worked hard and earned enough to give all of us a gift of money. That was what was in these envelopes. But she didn’t stop there, I mean that in and of itself was baffling…and humbling to me. She went on to say that she has a hard time sleeping sometimes. Which isn’t hard to imagine, I have a difficult time sleeping when my hubby is gone only for a nite or two…her other side of the bed is empty till God calls her home. She has no hope of Grandpa returning home.

 On her sleepless nights she used her time to look up verses for every single person! Every daughter and son of her’s….plus all her grandchildren and even the three great grandkids! And I can speak for Josh and myself she wrote two references!

With tears in her eyes and barely choking the words out, she said the following “I’ve prayed about each of you and I found passages that I thought would be especially encouraging and helpful to each of you. ”  Then in a more pleading voice with her usual hint of sternness she urged us to look them up, and take them to heart.

WOW! Not only has this woman gone to the extra work of earning money for each of us, but she spent many a sleepless night in God’s Word, praying for her family…and asking for passages that God would use in our lives! She was caring for the physical but more important the spiritual needs of her children..grandchildren…and great grandchildren!

What a selfless and loving God-fearing woman!

When I returned home, in the quietness I managed to find during Miriam’s nap, I looked up the verses and pondered them. The first passage, was Col. 3:16-17, and the second was Ps. 13:6. HOW FITTING for MY LIFE! Honestly! The Spirit of God must have been working overtime in and through my Grandma as she prayed over all of us and wrote down the verses!

Firstly, these verses speak of singing praise to God. Which, my grandma knows I LOVE to sing! As she wrote these references down I’m certain her mind went to the times when I was little, when I would DAILY (weather permitting) go swing and sing…and also to the times I sang with my dad…and at my sister’s wedding and my own. I sing all the time (ask Josh and Miriam…to their peril! Lol).

Secondly, these verses speak of the reason for singing and to Whom I’m to sing about and for! God and His Son Jesus Christ!  Ps. 13:6 specifically says “For dealing bountifully with me.”

If no one else, my parents and grandparents can speak to how bountifully God has dealt with me! Despite my shortcomings, my eating disorder…wrong dating choice in highschool…my refusal to marry...etc. Despite my trying to run from God and His plans for my life, I mean let’s face it, I used to hate Josh and I vowed never to marry him…God must laugh! I also refused to marry at one time in my life, so much for following the call to full time ministry I received at a very young age while listening to Patch the Pirate goes to the jungle. I was running from God and fast!

But He got a hold of my heart EACH and EVERY time I wandered! He got a hold of my heart before it was too late! If it were not for God I honestly probably would not even be alive! For a lot of reasons, but mainly because I was stubborn and bull-headed (I’m especially thinking of my eating disorder here…I was literally pounds away from death when I was 16 and 17 years old! Pounds!).

BUT GOD! HE TRULY HAS DEALT BOUNTIFULLY WITH ME! Allowing me to break free from the chains of my eating disorder… to see the wrong in the guy I dated and to break free from the chains of that suffocating relationship…to allowing me to see that not all guys are bad and to embrace the forgiveness I have in Christ and live in that freedom! For allowing me to find a loving and good husband in Josh…to allowing me to go into ministry and fulfill my childhood dreams of being a Pastor’s wife and living out in the country! To entrusting me with a little soul, when I really deserved infertility (which is what many women who had eating disorders in their past face).

Grandma knows and has seen that God has dealt bountifully with me! She saw how God could take a rebellious, stubborn and strong willed child…teen… and young woman, melt her heart and turn her towards Himself and His saving Grace and mercy through Christ’s death and resurrection. Empowering her to face and conquer even her greatest foes.

Grandma’s verses are now my life verses! They describe me, give me direction and helped me to see God and His goodness in my life! How BIG and GREAT a God we serve!

Lastly, the Col. 3:17 specifically speaks to doing ALL for God’s glory. Grandma may not know it, but the Holy Spirit working in her does know that I struggle with doing things for my glory and the praise of others. He knows I am a people pleaser…He knows my struggles and knows I need this reminder!

I’m so thankful for how BOUNTIFULLY my God has dealt with me in SO many countless ways! One being working through my Grandma!  She took her tears…her pain…her sleepless nights…things we all despise and dread and hate…and allowed God to turn it inside out and make it something beautiful for Him! He truly has dealt bountifully with all of us!

Rose amongst the thorns

Shortly after coming home with Marybeth I was beginning to enjoy feeding her, even though it did take a lot of work to keep her awake and keep her drinking and latched on. My alarm would go off in the wee hours of the morning. Though I was exhausted from doing one of the hardest things I’ve ever done (delivering a baby) I had to wake up, had to keep going. No more sleeping all night long, now I would sleep for two and a half hours at a time (her feedings when we first brought her home took an hour) and then back up again to drag my tired self out of bed.

  My hubby would be found in deep slumber, I would be found lumbering out of my warm cozy bed, and wandering through my house to go and wake one sweet and warm little babe to feed and nourish her. I was striving to keep two people awake! Not only the baby but also MYSELF!

But somehow, even in the midst of difficulties, God makes it ALL worth every minute!

I’m thoroughly convinced that every trial, every difficulty, God seasons with grace and mercy! Think about it….pain and difficulty in labor is a punishment for Eve’s disobedience and it has fallen upon every mother since the first one. That is God’s justice, we deserve that. But PRAISE HIM that He also has GRACE and MERCY!

His mercy: think about it…labor though hard, could be worse! After all we actually deserve worse!

His GRACE: think about it….WE GET A BABY OUT OF THE WHOLEDEAL! If that is not GRACE than what is??!!

I didn’t experience too bad of morning sickness while pregnant but I have friends who do, and they all say it is worth every minute! Every minute is worth it because one day they know they will hold that precious babe that caused all that sickness and in that moment they won’t even remember all that sickness anyway. Heaven will be like this for everyone! All our pain and hardships will be but a blip on the radar compared to being with God forever!

Pregnancy is not an easy thing, from morning sickness…to back-pain or pinched nerve pain…to just carrying around all that extra weight…to swelling ankles… to stretch marks… to a totally changed figure…to just being plain uncomfortable much of the time (towards the end of the pregnancy… It is just plain difficult!

The same is true of labor, only I believe it is harder than the pregnancy itself lol!

 Oh man is it hard! I won’t lie about that, but it is all worth it when the doctor holds that crying baby up and hands her to you to snuggle and hold for the first time! Nothing can compare! This is grace in the midst of His justice!

He made labor worth it! Worth every pain filled second!

It is worth it we say for those mother’s whose babies make it, but what about those mothers who endure the morning sickness, and sometimes even the labor, only to have a stillborn child or a miscarriage. Is it worth it then? What about them?

I can’t imagine going through all that difficulty, all the hardship of pregnancy and labor only to lose that precious gift from heaven. But some friends of mine have had to walk through this. I don’t care if it was a miscarriage or a still birth, losing a child (that is what they are!) losing that precious life is never easy! My own mom lost her precious gift.

I recall the day. Mom told Krista and Joe and I that we could come to the doctor’s visit and hear the heart beat. So that is what we did. I was only like eight or nine or so. I was so excited; after all this would be my first time hearing a baby’s heart beat (I wasn’t old enough when Joe was born).

  I remember we were listening and listening….the nurse moved the Doppler along...my young ears strained to hear that heart beat. But there was nothing. You could have heard a pin drop in that room.  Our little baby boy had gotten the cord wrapped around his neck and he had passed away sometime before that day. My mom would now have to deliver a dead son.  We named him Joshua. He was only sixteen weeks-old. He would be seventeen now if he had lived. But that was not God’s will for Joshua. God wanted Joshua to live a short time in the womb, and then He wanted Joshua back in heaven with Him.

My mom went through the struggles of pregnancy…and then labor only to deliver his lifeless little body. No baby to bring home for the first time.  No baby to nourish… no baby to lay in the crib. No baby to wear Joe’s hand me downs. He was gone and there wasn’t a thing we could do. The question begs asking, was it worth it?

YES! She would tell you this! EVERY hard thing GOD MAKES WORTHIT!

We all grew in that (still are!).

 And my mom has been able to “comfort others also, with the comfort that she received from God.”(Emphasis added).

You see it is all in perspective! My mom has said time and again that she is thankful! Thankful for losing Joshua? Why? HOW? Our feelings scream that this is so false…so wrong…but the truth which sets us free says yes it is true!

She can be thankful because she has it in perspective! She has told me time and again that she will never have to worry about Joshua not accepting Christ as his Savior, or of Joshua walking away from the Lord because JOSHUA is ALREADY WITH HIM! These are worries that she has about all her living children, but she will never have for Joshua!

All in perspective! She found the rose in the thorns.

The Olympics have finally finished out, and perhaps you enjoyed them, perhaps you really do not care and are maybe tired of hearing about it lol! Josh and I watched them pretty much every night! In fact I’m pretty sure Miriam is going to recognize the music scheme to the Olympics for years to come lol!

This year they did some really cool things. One of which was to allow us to hear from the Olympians parents. The sacrifices they have made, the love and encouragement that helped to bring the athlete to Olympic material. I enjoyed those featurettes (or whatever you would call it). I liked watching the home videos of the athletes, watching how their moms were behind them and helped them.

But one mother in particular stood out to me. She is the mom of skier, (don’t recall her last name, I believer her first name is Sarah??) who lost her life when she hit her head during a ski run. This mom had the right perspective. She said something along the lines of “I was upset about losing my daughter…but then I remembered how blessed I was for ever having known her!” Instead of getting angry over losing her, she instead was glad that she ever got to know her daughter! She chose to focus on what she had, versus what she had lost! WHAT a perspective! What grace in the midst of trial and grief!

What a rose amongst the thorns of life!

I was feeding my dear Marybeth, rocking back and forth just focused on the task at hand, lost in thought and prayers. I remember thinking to myself many times that day “I wonder if Gina has had her little guy yet?” I mean after all she was technically due to have her little guy before even my Miriam was supposed to enter this world. Having no internet at home and having just had Miriam, I was kind of shut off from the world so to speak. I couldn’t wait till a church day when I could finally check facebook and see if she had him yet or not! I was SO excited! Couldn’t wait to find out what his name was, how big he was, and to see pictures. You see Gina and I worked together at camp in the kitchen. And when we figured out we were pregnant around the same time it was a neat thing. I remember back to family camp five. Her baby bump was already developing and mine was just starting. We shared a hug and talked about what we thought we were having.

I also remember when she made her announcement on facebook that she was pregnant. I at that time knew I was pregnant as well and so ached to tell her and everyone else, but we were waiting until after our first doctor’s appointment just to be sure.

I  also remember beginning to pray daily for my little one, and I would always include Gina’s aswell, seeing as we were due only about a month apart.

Whenever she would post something on face book about a milestone in her pregnancy, I would always know that in a short while I would also hit that milestone. It was neat to have her “go on before.”

But for the births of our little ones, God had different plans. Miriam came early.

 I had thought that my water was leaking, and so they tested me. Two tests came positive, and one negative. The doctor decided to induce, because if my water was truly leakingand if they did nothing we would have lost Miriam (bacteria would get into the sack and would get to her). But if they induced me and she was 3 weeks early, they said she would probably have to go to the NICU. Fear struck my heart, but it was our only option. It was either sure death (going home without doing anything) or being induced and possibly having her in the NICU. So we followed the best option we could and decided to induce.

They induced me at 7:10pmon January the 14^th, she was born a short time later at 8:43. When they induced I was dilated only at a3…I jumped to 10 that fast! I kept telling the nurses that I felt I had to push…and they said everyone feels like that and I was supposed to just breathe. They were waiting for my contractions to get more consistent. So I was like “okay, Ill just breathe.”

I stayed as quiet as I could, but shortly it got to the point where I felt I couldn’t hold it anymore. Then all the sudden without any effort on my part, my body began to push Miriam out on its own accord. Freaked of course and was like “You nurses may want to check this out.”

They checked and to their shock and mine, they saw her head already! They told me to hold on for the doctor (why they say to do that…it’s NOT possible to hold on when you are at this point!lol!). I watched them frantically set the room up for delivery. People swirling all around I just closed my eyes. Two pushes later and she was born.

Later I spoke to the nurse, asking why in the world it happened so fast like that. She told me that I was most likely in labor for the past few days (would explain the back pain that I woke up with two nights in a row). I had been waiting for the really bad pain and the consistent contractions (to tell you the truth my contractions were never consistent, that is why the nurses didn’t believe me when at first I told them I felt it was time. They were also waiting for the contractions to get consistent. But they never did.).

The Nurse also told me if I had not come in about my possible water leak, I would have ended up having Miriam at home! CRAZY! God was watching out for us! And despite the doctor’s worries, she didn’t need the NICU. She was fine. That was God’s plan for Miriam.

Josh had been talking to his father on the phone.  Still on the phone he came to Miriam’s room where I was rocking and feeding, and dropped the bomb. “Bethany, Gina has lost her baby.”

My world stopped for a second. This has happened only a few times, at the announcement of various people in my life’s deaths. I swallowed. “What? How? How could this have happened?” He was still on the phone and walked away still talking. He had to finish his conversation with his dad and then he came back to me. But while he was gone tears came like a torrent. Through tears I looked down into the face of  my little one drinking her meal. “How could this happen…why? Why do I still get my little Marybeth? I don’t deserve her! But Gina, Gina deserved her little guy!”

 In fact as I have said in previous notes because of my sin of an eating disorder I really deserved infertility and had thought that is what I would reap…I mean that was logical considering what I had sown! But that is not what God had for me, not what He had for Gina.

She is a strong woman! I look up to her! As I sat there rocking my little one, crying like there was no tomorrow, I prayed. I prayed for Gina, for Peter. For the pain they would be walking through.  I just couldn’t believe this had happened. I fully expected Gina to not write anything on facebook. To just be a recluse for a while (that is what I would be tempted to do in her shoes). But she reached out! She shared her grief, and through that God worked! He used Simon’s short life and Gina’s Christ-like response to speak to me and countless others! This was God’s will for Simon Wesley.

Gina has it in perspective! She focuses not on the loss of her son, but rather on the chance she had to know him for that time in her womb!  She chooses to focus on what she had, versus what she lost. She knows that though her son is not here in her arms; is not here to snuggle, not here to reflect God’s glory on earth. Simon is in the arms of Jesus. Simon is reflecting His radiant glory in a way he never could on this earth.  

I remember reaching out to her and just telling her that I was praying for her, hoping that she would be encouraged to know she was being prayed for. And you know what?? She encouraged me! Here I was trying to encourage her and she encouraged me!

Gina has found the rose amongst the thorns! And she has chosen to share them with us here on facebook and I’m so thankful she has! I only pray that I can find the rose amongst the thorns of this life, like she has, like my mom has, and like that lady who lost her Olympic daughter.

  It is so easy to see God’s grace in the good.

We easily see God’s grace in Miriam’s birth, the fact that she survived and is healthy in spite of being born early, but it is in Simon’s death as well. God’s grace is there, may He continue to open our eyes to find and see His grace and allow that to govern us! Our feelings scream that this can’t be, but truth and feelings almost never coincide, and when it comes down to it we always must choose truth over feelings. Eventually perhaps our feelings will align with the truth, but even if it doesn’t we still cling to truth because that is solid. Our feelings are fleeting, they change, but truth doesn’t! And so I say let’s find the roses amongst the thorns of this life!