It had been a long week! I had went to the older couples farm to take care of them. It was Josh and my first week apart since being married L. My heart leaped within me each mile that I passed bringing me that much closer to Shepherd’s pointe….to my home…to Joshua!
When I arrived home, Joshy had many things to share, as did I (after having limited communication all week). He had that gleam in his eye, the one he always gets when he has bought something special for me or someone else. His whole body gives him away, he can’t keep secrets, especially not surprises for the ones he loves. He can hardly contain himself and it’s rather fun to watch!
“I have something for you sugar.”
“Oh Joshua…”
“Sugar it’s an early birthday present…come with me it’s in the pole barn!” He was so excited. The gleam in his eye twinkled even brighter! We were only a week from my birthday…I am one who loves to be surprised but likes to save the surprise for the actual day. Like I don’t like opening presents early, I wait till the day of, I like building the anticipation…not sure why, so of course I said : “Let’s just wait till it is actually my birthday.”
“Um…you don’t want to do that sugar…come on…come with me to the pole barn!” The hesitation, that sly smirk beginning to steal his face, coupled with the fact that he had been saying that he was going to buy me a sheep…a little lamb for my birthday…could this be it??! I love sheep, and have wanted one for sometime. Our landlord had said we couldn’t have sheep as livestock…but he hadn’t said anything about just having one as a pet. Would Joshy really have been serious when he said he would get me one for my birthday?
Excitement leapt up my stomach and into my throat as I entered the pole barn. “It’s in here, in the kennel.” “Shall I cover my eyes?” I ask as we near the little dog kennel. “Yes!” So I cover my eyes and stand there. “Okay hold out your hands but keep your eyes closed tight.” His voice can hardly contain the excitement. This is it! This is my sheep!
For a split second I hesitated …. “wait…hadn’t Josh also been talking about getting a guinea pig as well…oh no! He knows I’m afraid of them.” Despite my fear of getting bit by whatever furry thing he was going to place into my hands, I kept my hands held out to receive my present.
I felt the soft fur and a warm body, upon opening my eyes I saw the cutest orange striped cat! I couldn’t believe it! I had mentioned only once that I like orange striped cats the best, not wanting one just saying that I liked them. And lo and behold Joshy got me one!
Now I have always been more a dog person. In fact if I had to choose I would always take a dog over a cat. This is mainly because most cats are sneaky and also because they mostly just stick around because you feed them. Most are more concerned about playing and chasing and catching. While dogs on the other hand almost worship the very ground we walk on. They are obsessesed with pleasing us, obsessed with being with us, not because of the food, but just because they love us. This is the way my sweet mini Aussie shepherd/border collie Fiona is. She loves Josh and I to death and would do anything to protect us.
Cats just don’t do that, they are just not as loyal as dogs are. Don’t get me wrong, I love almost all animals (minus guinea pigs lol), so therefore I do love cats and was thankful for this kitten Joshy got me. Little did I know just how much I would come to love him.
I wanted to name him “Tony Stark” since I was Ironman for the cooks parade this summer. Plus too since he was striped and looked like a tiger it could also be “Tony the Tiger” since Josh and I LIKE cereal so much!
Tony ended up being very different than most cats I have met. Most cats love to play, and they get distracted easily. Tony, however, was not like that.
When we would go outside he just followed me. In fact we got him some toys and even those could not deter him, he was all about people. He just wanted to snuggle and wanted to be with us all the time. In fact when we would leave him in the pole barn in the kennel at night he was always devastated. Crying out really loudly and obnoxiously. He would follow me just like a dog would…just like Fiona always does. He was just like having another puppy. OH the fun we had, how close we had grown, and only a week had passed and already we were almost inseparable. I took him with me whenever I could.
It was the day before my birthday and it was a beautiful morning! The red hues of the sunrise brightened the sky as I ran the last jaunt of my morning run. It had been a wonderful night. We had some college friends (soon to be married..Betsy and Aaron J ) and my little sister over for pizza and a movie. What fun we had sharing and talking, playing the Wii and showing them all the things that we had been blessed with. Aaron especially took to our kitty Tony as did Nana (she is so much like me!).
Now it was time to awaken Joshua and Nana, so we could feed the animals (especially Tony) so that we could be on time for the Hawk game at my parents house.
It was set to be a fun day.
After breakfast Josh went outside to search for the extra cats we had taken in for a friend of ours, whilst nana and I went to the barn to feed the ducks and Tony. I quickly let Tony out of his kennel and fed him some tuna. Turning I glanced at Chief, and thought I had better feed him too, since we wont be back till late. Another thought quickly followed that but what if he gets out like he did the other day…you should just wait and let Josh do it….but I want it done now…I can handle it…he wont get out.” Oh how I wish I would have listened and followed my second line of thinking…but rather I went with the first and third line. I crossed over and got his food, and opened the door. BAD MOVE! He slinked right out past me, and made a bee line for little Tony. I screamed “NO! NO CHIEF!”
Nana looked up from her spot next to Tony. Her eyes looked huge as chief came barreling over, headed straight for the kitten at her feet. How thankful I am that she didn’t move to pick Tony up…who knows what chief might have done in his fury. He was running entirely on instinct at this point.
Tony’s hair bristled and he hissed so loudly and swiped at Chiefs muzzle. Tony could have easily run away and climbed onto something higher…like our fridge or the duck kennel. But no he stayed right where he was and readied himself for a battle he could never win. In hinds sight Josh and I figure that Tony was trying to protect Nana. She was right next to him, and he being such a loyal cat didn’t know that chief was a danger to us at all but only to him.
I watched in complete horror as chief grabbed Tony in his mouth and began to shake him. I screamed so loud and went running for Josh, nana screaming right behind me. Chief is huge weighing almost 80 pounds..I was no match for him, plus he does not listen to me, so I ran for my knight in shining armour. I ran for Joshua. Joshy will fix this….it’s all going to be okay.”
Before I could even step out of the pole barn, Joshy was there asking what was wrong. All I could get out was “ It’s chief…he has Tony!” Josh quickly brushed past me pulling the pole barn door shut behind him, leaving nana and I in the little alley between the barn and the house.
I collapsed by the door to our house, not even bother to go inside I just covered my head and cried. Nana was next to me crying as well. All the while I just kept thinking that Joshua would right my wrong. That some way somehow Tony was going to be okay. Chief would let go and all would be alright.
We could hear him yelling at chief. Telling him no. Finally, things got quiet. I gathered my strength and went into the pole barn. “Joshy…”
“It was too late beth…just go in the house.”
“NO! It can’t be!” I walked over to the kennel and peaked inside. There Tony was just lying there. I grabbed him. His body was limp but it was still warm. “Oh Tony…oh my precious…no!” I just kept saying no over and over as tears spilled down my cheeks. “He is so warm…Josh he has to still be alive…are you sure? There’s no marks on him…just a little bit of blood…not much…he has to be alive Jos..”
“No beth, he is dead.” Josh said solemnly. My eyes filled with tears a fresh and I started sobbing uncontrollably. “NO!”
“Beth just go inside, okay? Just go inside…I’m going to bury him.”
“No!” I kept crying and saying no and ran into the house. I couldn’t stop crying. I just collapsed on my bed and cried. Then came the anger. Fury at the dog who had killed my precious kitty. I got up and punched the big sheep that Josh gave me…then I jumped off my bed and wiped my tears and stomped out to the barn. Josh had gone to the field to dig a hole. WE laugh about this now, that I ran out to the barn and grabbed the wire kennel and yelled “I hate you” at chief over a dozen times. All the while he just looked at me like I was stupid! Haha lol!
I was angry at chief when really it was my fault. I had been the one that opened the door.
A door that should have never been opened. I had wanted a job done and wanted it done right then, and because I did not take the time to wait, it cost me something dear to me.
Chief was acting out of mere instinct. I had turned loose something that should have stayed bottled up.
I got up enough courage to go and join Josh for the burial of our kitty, whom we only had for a week. My voice was raw by this point from screaming and crying and yelling. I cried like a baby. Death is a hard thing, something I have always hated, and somewhat feared as well. Not because of where I would go, no I have the assurance that because of what Christ did on the cross and in rising again, I know that when I breathe my last here on earth it twill be my first breath in heaven with my dear and precious Savior and King and with God my Almighty Creator. I just fear the unknown of death. What does it feel like? How will it happen? The fear of the unknown.
I once was told that death is something to be hated and feared because it was never meant to be. In the beginning there was no death, in fact death was not in God’s original plan. But because of sin death has now passed upon everything. Everything that lives will eventually die (except the believers that are still alive at the Rapture of Jesus Christ’s church). Death is un-natural and should have never been. But worse than physical death is spiritual death.
Physical death has a remedy: Belief in Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection. Spiritual death, however, has no remedy. We are all born spiritually dead, and dying physically. If we accept Christ before I physical death we will escape spiritual and eternal death in Hell. Once we physically die, if we have not accepted Christ then we will die spiritually and there is no remedy for that. WE all get one life in which to accept the spiritual and eternal life offered, if we reject that then we will die spiritually for all eternity.
Death is a cruel thing. It comes unexpectedly (no one knows the exact time one will breathe their last breath), it rips loved ones from us and tears what we hold dear apart from us. That day before my birthday it took Tony from me. There one moment, gone the next. The Bible says that it is this way not just for little kittens like Tony, but also for all living things.
But unlike Tony, we have life after death. Tony is gone and is no more, but my brother who passed while still in my mother’s womb, Joshua is what we called him, he lives on and so do all other humans.
Where will you live on when you pass? Where will you go? Do you fear death because you have no idea where you will go? If so please reach out! I would be more than happy to help you know and accept Christ as your Savior and how to be made right with God and begin your relationship with Him.
After we buried Tony, we went inside. I asked Josh for forgiveness, for jumping ahead, and for not thinking things through. It was my fault that Tony had died.
Something that I told Breanna that day, something I hope she never forgets, is that God is always trying to teach us.
Everyday, in everything God always has something for us to learn and ways for us to draw ever closer to Him. I told her that too often it is really easy for us to miss these lessons. To just not think things through and not try and find these things out. It is far too easy to just dismiss things as “coincidence” and totally miss the still small voice of God calling us higher.
So what was God trying to teach me at that moment??
I often want things done and done “now.” I am like a microwave. No, microwaves don’t really make elaborate meals, however they sure do heat things, and fast!
Joshy, however, is worlds apart. He is concerned more with doing things well. He tends to be more like an oven, which makes more elaborate dishes, but it takes its good sweet time at it.
Krista took her good sweet time in learning to walk. She observed for a long time and then one day she was able to just stand up and go, because she had watched and observed. I on the other hand, didn’t think things through. I just forged ahead. As you can imagine I banged into many a wall time and again! In fact my mother never ceases to remind me of the truth that almost every week there appeared a wound from the battle.
My mom was asked almost every Sunday what had happened to her young toddler that she would always have a goose egg on her forehead. The mother always just sighed and explained that this I had insisted on walking and just forged ahead, whether I was fully prepared and ready or not. For that I payed with bruises and goose eggs.
Sad to say that what I exercised in walking (forging ahead with no real thought or practice) I also in turn did in just about everything I did. As I grew older it didn’t matter whether it was school work, or an instrument, or fishing, or a game, or cooking (too bad for my poor hubby) or cleaning, I always just forged ahead, “jumping the gun” so to speak.
Never really taking as much thought as I probably should to what I am doing. I always want things done quickly, it didn’t matter if they were done the very best they could be, just so that they are done and quick enough so I can move to the next thing. Although I do not rush everything in my life, it is true, many many things that I do (esp. new skills) I just forge ahead.
This was exactly what I had done the morning that Tony died. I had forged ahead. I wanted something done and just did it. Not really taking the time to think things through and take the time to care.
We are blessed that nothing worse happened. That chief didn’t go for the ducks. Or that nana didn’t pick Tony up, for if she had no doubt chief might have jumped on her and could have knocked her clean over and she may have really gotten hurt.
I could almost hear my Father in heaven…. “Bethy, did you see that? You are always forging ahead, always wanting things done quickly and in your timing. You need to slow down, I have been trying to tell you this for a long time, and you know this. I love you and I want you to use the way I made you for my glory and in my way.
But this Bethy…this is not my way. I created you with a desire to get things done, but there is a balance my daughter…you must find it! You remind me so much of another daughter of mine…of Martha…you need to change your focus…you need to turn your entire passion and self towards me alone.”
The following day was my birthday. Joshy and I ended up finding three free cats. Two kittens and their mother (all orange striped), and after we pick them up we also found some Bengal kittens ( a brother and sister). Joshy wanted to make my birthday special and that he did! I couldn’t help but be reminded of the story of Job, how he had lost everything dear to him, only to have it all be given back to him and that SEVEN FOLD!
Its true, I had lost Tony, but I gained Gibbs, Ziva, Toby and Tigger and their mom Chloe. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. But He is always to be blessed and praised in the both the giving and the taking. Often in the giving, we feel invincible, we become obsessed with the blessings that we often forget about the Blessings!
The new cats are wonderful, I love them all. But truth be told they are not quite like Tony. While they love people and show affection, they are easily turned aside to toys and distractions. They are not like Tony who was totally focused on people.
We are often like that. God desires for us to be like Tony, totally devoted and filled with a passion for only Him. But instead we often end up like my Kitty Catties (Gibbs, Ziva, Toby and Tigger). Too often we are turned aside to focus on the “blessings” of this life instead of focusing on the “Blessings.”
Too often we become so wrapped up in the gifts He gives (money, jobs, talents, time, loved ones, animals, possessions, knowledge, a fit body, food, the newest gadget, attention from others…the list goes on).
WE all have at least one (or many) things that turn us aside. Satan knows this and knows our weak points and uses them against us. We must be like Tony though! We have to be like him when he faced Chief. He stood up in the face of great opposition. He readied himself and used the tools given him. We have been given tools as well (a full set of armour!). Why don’t we use them?
This incident is filled with the whispers of God. He has spoken to me in the midst of this happening, but I had to dig for it. Had to think through the event, and mull each moment over in my mind. But as things always are with God there is always far more to still be learned…no doubt I have only barely begun to scratch the surface! So here are only some of the small whispers that I have heard:
Slow down and think things through.
Be more like Mary in the Bible and metaphorically like Tony my kitty: totally focused on my Owner. Laying aside the idols and distractions that so easily turn me away. Stop being like Martha in the Bible and metaphorically like my new kitty catties Gibbs, Ziva, Toby and Tigger: only half sold out, distracted by the things of this world.
Put on the Armour and ready myself to fight Satan, like Tony readied himself to fight Chief.
Also the brevity of life. Life is short! Tony was there one moment, gone the next. People are no different. Are we ready to meet our Maker? Are we physically dying but spiritually alive?
Lastly, I was reminded that God is always trying to teach me. Always trying to draw me closer to Himself and to the image of His Son.
So what is God teaching you lately? What are something’s He has been whispering to you? The thing about whispering is, it always causes you to lean in closer to the one whispering, and causes you to cease talking (for fear of missing it) and to just be still and listen. Funny thing is, I think that’s God’s entire idea behind it all!
So what is He whispering to you?? Are you leaning in? Or do you not even care to hear it? Are you still talking over Him? It’s easy to do. Are you dismissing it as something else, as just coincidence? What is He whispering?
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