My Love Story

This friends is my love story (thus far anyways). I will warn you, its not all a bed of roses, its not all mushy and gushy. Its had its ups and downs. But God wrote it, and so all credit goes to Him! It twas written in Love by Jehovah Jirah (God Who provides) and illustrated by Jehovah Elohim (God of creation), and yes they are the same person, just as I am the same person though some call me Bethany, others call me Bethy, and still others call me Fred, freddy and fredders (try and figure those out…and if ya do let me know cuz I still haven’t lol). Still a couple people call me Biz, and one person calls me “Juice” and another calls me “boobop” (I’ll let you guess on those….and just one hint, no its not Joshy who calls me that lol!).

 While I am called all these wonderful (and slightly odd) names, I am still the same Bethany Duffy underneath and behind it all, the names just describe me, and make me more special to some, and oddly enough make me feel special (yes even Freddy makes me feel special lol).

 Anyways, I apologize for that rabbit trail, the point of that trail, is that though God and I are called by many different names (He more than I) we are still the same person underneath, we are only but one person!

Now onto my love story:

 Part One: Tomboy~ “boys are just peers”

 So if you knew me as a youngster, you probably already know that I was a tomboy! I loved the outdoors (still do), and mud (nothins changed there either). So my younger years and even on into my teenage years, I thought of boys as just peers, as friends and cool people to do fun stuff with, like playing Indians and cowboys, and the like.

 Joe (younger brother) and I were best friends, and being homeschooled, we really didn’t know anything else, and so I found myself with “the guys” a lot. Choosing to hang out with Joe and his friends.

In fact recently my little mini me, who lately has been trying to figure more out about me so she can copy me (yes even waking early to meet with God…baffles me how He works!) well anyways she asked me the other day “so when you were my age, who did you hang out with?”

“Oh I just hung out with Joe mostly. He and I were best friends, we played outside together a lot.”

And that’s the truth, sure from time to time I would play house with Krista, but more often than not I was doing stuff with Joe outside. So part one has been thus dubbed “Boys just peers.” Because for the most part that is what they were, sure I had some boys later in my teen years (13-17) who I liked, but I never pursued anything, or let them know about it.

Besides in the “Duffy household” no one dates till they are 18, and even then it has to be with chaperones. And as far as I was concerned, I was totally content with that (even at age 17!). And still am! In fact I hope to do the exact same with my own children, should God bless me with some, someday ;)

 Part Two: Surrender to Purity

After that movie, I came under the conviction that I wanted to save my kiss till my wedding day. And so me and my sister and another girl, made that decision that night. And thankfully my mom has encouraged me to keep going with this decision, so I am still planning on saving the lips till I get married.

Shortly after that, on my 14th birthday (as is the Duffy tradition) I received a purity ring. And with it came a little poem, and then also a commitment on the back, which I signed and dated (and still have tucked away somewhere).

Part Three: Submission to Singleness:

And if it had not been for some special circumstances, and for some wise words from my Heavenly Father, through my earthly father, I would have never even considered singleness.

That evening had started out a little normal, my parents had gone out and had left Joe and I in charge of the children ( Krista was at a friend’s) The phone rang, so me being the eldest answered it. Turns out it was my mom telling me that a young man from our church, Jesse, liked Krista and was looking to “date” her. Now this first off came as a shock to my family and I because Jesse had never shown any signs that he even liked her. ( it just so happens that this was the exact way that it occurred with him and I too) After hearing this I remember mentally telling myself to “ hold it together” because I was not about ready to cry in front of my siblings. So I held it in (I was very jealous of Krista at this point cause she had someone “ who liked her and I did not.”) So I as I said held it together until my parents came home.Then as soon as they came home they began talking about it (with me and the younger kids). I remember I started to cry and immediately ran to my room ( I am not one to cry in front of people if I do not have to) and of course my parents came to my room and tried to talk to me. I proceeded to cry and tell them that I had never had any guy like me ( which was true for the most part) and that I felt I would never find anyone… when my dad stopped me in the middle of my selfish complaining and said something I will never forget. He told me something that changed my whole perspective on Krista dating Jesse and even changed my perspective on waiting patiently for whatever God has for me. He said “you know what Bethany, in order to get the blessing of marriage you must give it up first and be willing to be single.” He also said that I was a gem and that I needed to wait for the guy that God would bring along to me ( if he brought one ) and that I needed to have patience. Boy did that stop me in my tracks. Here I was 15 to 16 years old and already I was getting impatient with waiting, and maybe you are in the same boat. Maybe you are tired of waiting… maybe you feel like you will never find that guy that God has for you. Just remember that in order to receive the blessing of marriage you must be willing to be single first ( in that you are willing to wait for Gods timing and what He has for you because not all people are called for marriage).

Remember to “ Wait on the Lord”, and remember that He has a purpose and a plan for you and He will finish the work He has begun in you. Maybe it is a trial for you to wait, just remember that through this test if you handle it the correct way you will be brought closer to God and you will have more patience.

 Part four: Dating Jesse

This is probably the most difficult part of my love story to write…the hardest year of my life. I have told people that I cried more in that year of dating him than I ever had in my entire life! And that’s the honest truth. In fact not to long I was faced with this question on facebook:

What is the hardest thing you have ever been through (that you are comfortable sharing publicly)? How did the Lord help you through it? 

And this was my reply:

My freshmen year at college! not only did I deal with getting adjusted to leaving home and going to school and homework and a new job, but we had a hard time with a girl on campus, treating my sister horriblly and on top of that I had a break-up with my boyfriend that caused havoc not only in my own personal life but also the life of my family and even my church family!

How God got me through all that is through His Word! I just got up day in and out and He never failed to meet with me each day, giving me the exact "food" that I needed from His Word to get me through that day. I can't tell you or describe to you how hard those days after the breakup were, nor of the great comfort that God gave to me through His Word!

I learned SO much in that time and also even during the relationship. No matter what new "news" came up about the break-up situation, God got me and my family through it and helped us to keep going! That decision to break-up was the hardest desicion I have ever had to make! But How glad I am that God got a hold of this prodigal daughter of His! And for His forgiveness, in accepting me back after my rebellion and also for His grace!

And for working in and through my parents! He shone through them! The day after the break-up I woke up and felt that I had lost alot of people (though I gained my relationship with my parents) I still felt that I had lost alot, but then I was reminded of the quote "There will be days when you will have no one and nothing at all, escept God, and that is ALL you will EVER need!" How true this was, and to think that I had to be broken to come to grips with this, but how glad I am that He broke me!

So while this was hard, dating a controlling and possessive guy, and then the hard and difficult time of breaking the chains of that relationship, God did teach me and He uses it still today! PRAISE JEHOVAH for knowing exactly what I would need!

Part Five: Refusing to marry~ making singleness my lot!

What finally brought it full circle was a message up at camp. The man was speaking in the Psalms 4, and was sharing how if there was something in our lives that we were not sure of, did not have the answers to then we needed the light of God’s countenance to shine on it! The speaker encouraged us to pray that God would shine the light of His face on the subject. He also encouraged us to seek someone out, if the need be. “There are many who say,” Who will show us any good?” LORD, lift up the light of Your countenance upon us.” Psalm 4:6 This is what I needed! I did not know what was good, and this verse said that God is the one who is able to show me what is good! How does He do this? By the light of His countenance! “For they did not gain possession of the land by their own sword, Nor did their own arm save them; But it was Your right hand, Your arm, and the light of Yourcountenance, Because You favored them.”-Psalm 44:3 WOW! This was exactly what I needed, it was as if the speaker was speaking directly to me! It really opened my eyes, and I squirmed within myself. I knew that I needed help, needed to come to the place where I could surrender, but I had questions. From that evening on I began to pray that God would shine His countenance on the subject, and that He would send someone to talk to me. After a few weeks of praying for this, and no real answers, I began to think that perhaps, I would need to actually seek someone out, versus someone coming to me. So I began to pray for an opportunity to talk to someone about my unsurrendered heart. This came when Lynnae stopped by my room one night after we retired from the kitchen. And so I took the opportunity to ask her for a chance to talk to her. She of course said yes. We never talked at camp (too busy), but after I left and got into school, I sent her an email and she got back to me and helped me to realize where I was wrong. You see after breaking up with Jesse, because of the wrong and awful things I did with him, (I am not the typical “good girl” that some think I am…..). Anyways because I have sinned, I knew that God forgave me and has forgiven me for it, but I just did not want to ever have to tell another guy how I have sinned, and I did not believe that there would ever be any guy who would be able to forgive me.God forgives it is true because He is Holy and loving, but we humans have a lot harder time forgiving because we are sinful. I was being very wrong in my thinking and really I was not trusting God and was not surrendered to Him in the area of marriage. That night after she talked with me about it, I prayed and surrendered to God. Now not always do things happen this way, but I will say one thing before I go on. God uses our past to bring us to where we are, and to lead us on into our futures. Looking back in hindsight I can see that God was def. leading me along, from the unsettledness in my spirit about my unsurrendered heart, to that message, to talking to Lynnae, to surrendering. It all seemed like “happen stance” at the time, but I know it def. wasn’t!

 Part Six: “An Abraham and Isaac” moment:

To make a long story a little shorter, I prayed about it and then said yes. But you see the ironic thing is, if Thomas had asked me not two weeks earlier I would have turned him down just like that, no questions asked…not prayer…no thought to God, because of my unsurrendered heart. But because God chose to pursue this prodigal, because of His faithfulness, and I kind of see that relationship with Thomas as an “Abraham and Isaac” moment. Yes, I had fully thought (and intended to) that it would go to marriage, but alas that is not what God wanted, for we broke it off 6 months into it.

Rightly so I might add, God taught me a lot in that relationship, and I learned a lot and am still learning from it. Yes it was hard, yes I got hurt, but none of that matters now, because God meant it for my good (Rom. 8:28.)

I believe that He brought Thomas along just after that surrender so that He could tell if I had truly, and indeed surrendered to whatever He would have me.

The odd thing is, if I hadn’t dated Thomas, I most likely would never have even given Joshy a chance! Because it was while I dated Thomas, that I saw a different side of Joshy that I had never seen, and my thoughts about him changed.

 Part Seven (wow that’s not odd at all…God’s number? Lol jj jk): JOSHY The Shepherd!

I know that we have a long road to haul (one semester left at faith, him with the pastorate, me going to camp possibly, and we don’t get married till September 1st!!) But God has been faithful thus far, and I know He will see us through till the end (Phil. 1:6).

This relationship has not been without its own ups and downs, but God has been faithful through it all! And how thankful I am to Him for drawing Joshy and I together! And boy did God have His work cut out for Him, in the “drawing us together” part!

For those of you who didn’t know, I used to not like Josh at ALL! I ran away from the guy! At camp when he would come around I took off for the nearest hiding place (usually behind a counter or stove, or in the cooler). One time I didn’t even come to the window to speak with my mom who had come to visit me in the kitchen, just because Josh was around! Lol! It was like that one cartoon skunk chasing that other cartoon skunk around!

 He used a lot of “pick-up lines” back then, and I just didn’t like him, he was annoying, so to speak. In fact when we went off to college, I can remember him asking me a couple times to go out to dinner, or dessert with him and I always told him no.

So when he asked me at the beginning of this past summer (’11) to write him, I was like “no way!” Especially since I had just gotten out of a relationship!

But as is my custom when guys asked to date me, I sought my parents advice, and they told me to just write him and see how it goes, “It may turn out to be nothing at all, and not go anywhere, but he has been pursuing you for a long time now bethany, he deserves a shot.” Those were my moms words to me on the subject.

So I prayed about it and thought about it. I had noticed a difference in him while I was dating Thomas, he seemed different somehow, more mature, and he had a good head on his shoulders (I mean how many guys do you know that are trying to be a full time pastor, plus a full time student, plus working part time?).

And he seemed to be a godly guy. So I agreed to write for the summer, but just as a friend (made sure to make the perfectly clear). But as it turns out God had different things in mind. He took over my script, and about 100 text messages later (between Josh and I) and a couple “unofficial dates” later, Joshy asked my dad to date me!

 We discovered how much we had in common. In fact after our first date (getting muddy at the river) the thing we both came away with that day was the wonderful joy of just being able to be ourselves around each other! We both love the outdoors, and running, and swimming, and playing games (like Catan lol) and getting muddy!

 He gets along SO well with my family (that is a HUGE thing with me!). And we both are surrendered to whatever God would have us to do!

 In fact, this is a short story so I’ll throw it in here. It was S.R. high camp (my jr. year of highschool or sophomore year…or was it my sr. year…cant remember) anyways it was “fire night” and Pastor Phil called for all of us who were feeling called to be missionaries to come on his right and those of us who felt called to full time ministry to come and stand to his left. And so I went down there, because I had always felt called to do some kind of full time ministry for the Lord, and guess who was stamding in front of me when I got there? YEP! Joshy! And the funny thing is that night when we returned to our cabins, I told my mom about it, and my mom was like “Haha, maybe someday he will be a pastor and you his wife!” And of course I was like “NO WAY!” Not this girl!

Who was I fooling? Lol!

Anyways, he knew from the our first date that he would ask me to marry him, in fact he told me that shortly after we started dating. And he continued to say that during break sometime he would “pop the big Q.” And sure enough, and much to my surprise, he did! And in 8 months I will Lord willing say “I DO” to the partner, the fellow character, of my love story!

WOW! What a wonderful God we serve! May I encourage friends to share your love stories (if you have one) and if you don’t yet, then may I encourage you to surrender the script to God to write (for He will write it His way anyway, whether you do or not!) Allow Him to have free reign, you will never regret it! I DON’T!

 May you have been blessed, challenged, and encouraged! If you have any questions, or comments, feel free!

OH and Joshy, I LOVE YOU!!!

This note was inspired by the book "When God writes your love story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy, a very good read! I recommend it to you all!