Hair quickly pulled back into a sleek ponytail. Shoes, mesh shorts, and a T-shirt thrust on in a rush. Dread, weaves its way from my stomach to my throat. I can almost taste the salt of sweat that would be on my lips shortly.
Working out, though loved when it is finished, is hated in the minuets before starting. Hurrying to get the last few things gathered together, I noticed my sister was on the phone. I can tell by her tone and words of choice that it’s not my parents; it had to be a friend of hers by the way she was talking.
“It’s Lynnae.” Was the answer that slipped out of her mouth in a whisper. Upon hearing this I take a few moments to tease Lynnae through Krista, who became our mediator.
All was fine and well until Krista repeated some of Lynnae’s words that I knew were probably coming, but was not ready for.
These words quickly turned our joking, casual conversation, into a serious debate.
“Tell her that I am concerned for her.” These were the simple words that Lynnae spoke through Krista. These words have been spoken by many people over the course of my lifetime, but they have never held such weight as in this particular time in my life.
Right when I heard the words fall from Krista’s lips, I knew exactly what she was concerned about.
“Well, this should be fairly easy, I have fought off all my attackers thus far (Esther, Shelly, My parents) Lynnae should be no problem at all. This should be quick, and soon I will be in the fitness center working out, having won yet another victory.”
These were the thoughts that ran in my head just before we started in on it.
“Why are you concerned?” I asked, already knowing the answer that was about to proceed out of her mouth.
At this point Krista handed me the phone because there was no use mediating a debate. Debates should be between the two involved.
“Well your mother has told me about your relationship with your boyfriend, and how it is not good and I am just concerned for you.”
Her words were like arrows flying at my castle that I had built up. All my weapons were then summoned forth one by one, trying to shield myself and even combat her points with points of my own. But I was not really fighting with Lynnae that night, she was just a mere instrument, I was really fighting with God!
We went back and forth for at least an hour. Slowly, I went from totally strong in my argument to very weak. My points even to me became futile sounding. I knew towards the end what I needed to do, but it pained me to admit that i was wrong and it also pained me to know that i was about to lose everything close to me. Finally, I realized that this crazed lady (or at least that is what I thought of her at the time) was not going to give up. All others had in the past given up. They would fight me to a certain point but had never succeeded at penetrating my castle wall, until God used Lynnae. He must have known that it had to be someone strong, someone who would not give up, someone who was tenacious.
Finally she broke through the wall and I realized what I needed to do. And like i said it pained me very greatly to suddenly realize that my parents were right, and that i had hurt them, and that I was about to hurt some others all because of my selfishness and pride.
But a real encouragement to me was that Lynnae was still there for me the very next day! She was there to let me know that she was praying for me. What an encouragement that was and what an example she has set. I long to let God work through me as He did with Lynnae that night!
Someone, very recently, when referring to the breakup, told me “You followed your parents.” My reply was short and simple but very emphatic. “No, I did not follow my parents, nor did I follow Lynnae, they were all just mere tools. The person I followed was God.”
Since that night many things have changed. I have grown a lot I think through that whole situation for one. I have realized just how sick my sin of "people pleasing" has become.
Another thing that has changed is me, myself. When referring back to that night, my sister has recently told me that what I said to Lynnae was totally out of character for me. I was saying things that night, that normally I would never say.
In fact leading up to the break-up my dad would ask me more often than not, one simple but yet profound question. “Where is my Bethy?”
At these words, I always angered and my defenses immediately would go up. “Man the wall” was something that I was familiar with when my parents would bring up the relationship. I had to be sure to be ready for battle with them anytime that I was home, partly why I tried to stay on campus a lot.
Answering his question with one of my own, I would always ask “How, dad, how have I changed?”
The answer was always the same. He would go on to explain to me how, he used to know a girl, who was quiet and discerning. Who would, instead of giving the quick answer or speaking her mind, think about what she was going to say before speaking. I had once been girl who more often than not wisely held her tongue, and did not always speak her mind. But all that had changed. I found myself in more arguments with both my parents and the young man whom I was dating, than I had ever been in before.
I angered a lot more easily, in fact I found myself crying a lot more. My life was characterized by constant stress, and a constant pull between my parents and what was right and the young man. Just thinking about it makes my heart cringe, but I literally was exchanging the truth for a lie!
Shortly after the break-up I went back home one weekend and was sitting at the dinner table next to my dad. During the meal, I found myself laughing and enjoying myself with my parents, without the dread of wondering if we would fight later. I was in pure enjoyment and harmony with them. Clearly the prodigal was at home and eating the “fatted calf” though she deserved to be the slave.
At one point in a break in the laughter and conversation, my dad leaned in and said some of the most wonderful words this prodigal has heard.
His blue eyes sparkle with a love that is just for me, though I know I deserve it not.
“I am glad that my Bethy is back.” WOW!
What a wonderful moment. To know that I was not only back with my heavenly Father but that my earthly father had chosen to mirror my heavenly one and forgive me as well.
He noticed a change! One I am thankful has taken place.
No comments:
Post a Comment