"Lord put someone in my backseat!"

I LOVE to ride in the car! I love to just sit and listen to music and look at all the beauty of God’s creation as we pass by it at 60 to 75 miles per hour.

Many have commented on how quiet I get when I’m buckled into a car seat and riding along. I don’t talk much anyways, but when put me into a vehicle as a passenger and I am completely silent, especially on long trips! Perhaps this is because on trips growing up mom and dad asked us to stay quiet, and thus car trips were my time to contemplate and think and enjoy the silence (as that is a hard thing to come by with 5 siblings! LOL).

But whatever the reason, it is something I do when in a car. Now for those of you that know my husband, you can just imagine what he does in the car right??!!! YEP TALK! And talk…and talk….and talk! So it is quite a balancing act for us. I am quiet and contemplating things in my mind, while he can’t stand silence and feels the need to fill the void (music doesn’t quite cut it for him). But we do manage, so before you call the “marriage counseling hotline number” on us, I will assure you that it is a good thing and we both have learned to give and take. Just like most things in marriage J.

All that to say, since Rachel was born I have taken to the back seat. Both literally and figuratively speaking lol.

In a literal sense I sit in the back now, that way if I need to feed Rachel when we are on the road I can do so without having to pull over so I can get to the back. So I’ve taken a “backseat.” And from back there I can see where Josh’s blind sides don’t allow him to see. When he goes to get on the interstate, I can help him because I can spot that big black ford pickup that is coming up on the left so fast, and warn him to slow down. I can see things he may not. I can cover his blindsides for him, and often times he will ask me to do so. And sometimes he doesn’t and I do it anyways.

Now, remember how I said that I took a backseat both literally and figuratively?  Well figuratively speaking I took a back seat in parenting Miriam. Sure I got after her, but it was kind of rare for me to do so. When she would throw fits I just let her. Because I was too lazy sometimes, and sometimes I just didn’t want to deal with the aftermath of spanking her and putting her in a time out because that would turn into a spanking session! Where she would get down out of time out and I would have to spank her. And that would repeat itself over and over. Who wants to spend your day…your precious time with your child, getting after them? No I would much rather live on plateaus of candy and clouds and hugs and kisses. But parenting isn’t like that is it?

I used to run a tight ship! Ask my three youngest siblings. Growing up, being the second eldest of 6 kids, I babysat the younger ones often! Mom would leave and go to town and left us three older kids in charge of the younger kids.

We were all best friends growing up, don’t get me wrong, but we did often get into spats.

When mom and dad would leave, I would sit all three of the younger kids on the couch and run through what we needed to get done (chores) and what I expected of them (behavior wise). If they deviated from my expectations I let them know what they would miss out on (lunch or supper watching a movie was our favorite thing to do. So if they didn’t live up to it we wouldn’t do that. Or perhaps it was a nice day. I would say that we were going on a walk later to the library or maybe to the river. But if they acted up or didn’t do what I asked they wouldn’t get whatever special treat I had planned for that day.)

Tight ship ,I know. And I was only a teenager then! My elder sister and younger brother were also in charge of the three younger. But for some reason the three younger always respected me more growing up. Now we all respect one another on mutual and equal grounds. But when we were younger it wasn’t so. They all respected me more. They obeyed me when mom was gone, better than they obeyed my other sister and brother.

One time I remember asking the three of them why this was. Their reply was that they respected me. I was harder on them then all get out, but they respected me and loved me for it! I told them what I expected of them and carried it out.

Many would comment all my growing up years that I was going to have a ship shape household when I finally married and had kids…but for some reason I found this to be the exact opposite!

There is a HUGE difference between keeping track of your siblings and raising your own child. I could care less of what my siblings thought of me, just so long as they obeyed and did what I asked of them. However, with my own child things were different. I let Josh be the hard one. He established his authority with our stubborn strongwilled and energetic child, while I let her walk  all over me.

Why? Perhaps it is because I wanted her to love me, perhaps it is because I was lazy at times. Perhaps it is because I loved hugs from her and the only time she would really let me hug her is when she was in trouble with dad (she is always too busy to cuddle).

Most likely it is all the above. SELFISH reasons…SELFISH focus!

But recently, God has used some people in my life to open my eyes to this blindside of mine. He put three people in the backseat for me (so to speak). And all three spoke up in a very kind and gracious way, that I needed to step up to the plate with my strong willed child. I needed to establish my God given authority and show Miriam what I expect of her. All three of these people came at different times, and in different approaches. But God used them, whether they know it or not, to open my eyes to a blind spot in my life.

And how wonderful the change has been! I used to go through a day not getting after Miriam at all. But it wasn’t because I didn’t need to, it was because I had chosen not to.  But I can’t do that anymore. If I do she will never listen to me and she will not learn basic things (like how throwing a fit is never okay. And how you have to do what is expected of you and if you do not there are consequences to that). And our relationship is so much better!

In parenting it is SO easy to see other’s blind spots. You know, the places where they are letting their kids get away with stuff they shouldn’t. But Ive found in my own life it is impossible to see those blind spots without the assistance of another. Sometimes it is a fellow mother who is in the trenches with you. Other times it is your husband. Other times it may be a mother who has graduated from the trenches of motherhood to the cloud of grandmahood. Whatever the case we ALL need people in our back seat!

And I am NOT just speaking to mothers here. We all need people around us to help us see the blind spots in our lives, both physically and spiritually!

Why do you think God so stressed the importance of a BODY of MANY members? Because He knows we need people in our back seat! We need people to love us enough to speak truth to us, even be it hard truths that we need to admit!

So perhaps there is someone in your life right now who you need to ask to come along side you and sit in your back seat for you. Someone to help you see those blind spots. Or perhaps you see a blind spot in the life of another. And you need to in love and truth go help that fellow worker out. Do what God lays on your heart. Don’t hesitate another day. We must redeem the time for the days are evil.