The Hand of God

Ever wonder what kinds of things God has saved you from? What disasters His hand stopped? Ever wondered at the mystery of God’s protective hand? Ever experienced it? Most likely you have whether you were able to see it or not.

The net that kept you from spinning out of control during that really bad storm…that “delay” with traffic that kept you from an accident further on down the road…that tornado that came so close, then took a sudden turn…the heart that stopped but then began beating once again (my cousin!!)...

That cancer that was violently threatening a life, death immanent, then suddenly nothing appears on the screen…the cancer gone… “snap” just like that! Doctors baffled…friends and families shocked…prayers answered…protection that had not been asked for given…delays that were such a pain suddenly became the welcomed friend…what a difference GOD makes. It is a wonder why we ever complain…why we see things as half empty when really they are half full!

Oh the pain that has been stopped…the accidents avoided…weather subdued…illness healed…we serve an AMAZING GOD! It is never a wonder to me why I experience pain, but rather why I have so little in comparison to what I really deserve!

I looked twice both ways. There I was at an intersection just down the road from my house, with the cars on my left stopped at a stop sign and only two cars to my right; I knew it would not be long till I was on my way to the old couple’s house for the weekend.  “After these two cars it’ll be safe…I’ll go after they pass…” I listen and watch as they whir past me.

Pulling out into the intersection, my heart stops. I expected to view the road in my eyes…but came face to face with a yellow truck I had not accounted for! He came out of no where (probably an alley looking back in hindsight). I did the stop-go-stop-go thing (bad idea). He had to come to a complete stop to avoid hitting me.

I pull ahead and get into the lane and think to myself “phew! Glad there were no cops around to see that…big OOPS! Guess I need to watch more closely…yes yes Bethany you DO!” Just as I finished this thought I look in my rear view mirror to see the red and blue lights I have become so accustom to seeing lately…I had spoken (or thought lol) too soon!

I had enough wits (grace of God) about me to pull over into the nearest parking lot, (for there isn’t much room on the side on that particular street). Stopping, I take a deep breath… “what will I say? I don’t even know what possessed me to do that…” The policeman was out of his SUV and headed towards me, I quickly rolled my window down and prayed for God’s help and mercy.

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” Where have I heard this before? Oh, yes the four other times I have been pulled over! However, this time I could actually answer in the affirmative. I did in fact know). “Yes sir, because I pulled out in front of that truck.”

“Have we had anything to drink today?” (they always ask me this…hmm…) “No sir.”

“Have we had anything to drink ever?” “No sir.”

He asks for my stuff which I hand him almost second naturedly. He goes back into his car and sits there forever (like they always do). Finally he comes back…I was certain there would be a ticket in his hand and already had plans underway as to how I would try and cover the cost. “I will deserve what I get…” Turning to face him, he asks me to roll the window down a bit farther. “Do you have any sort of health problems?” “No sir, I honestly just did not see that guy…he came out of no where.” His next words cut to the quick:

“You almost got hit, if he had not stopped it would have been an accident. I’m going to let you go with just a warning.”

I was floored at this point. “You need to be careful on the roads, and be more watchful, wouldn’t want any accidents today.” With that he handed me my warning and got back into his SUV. I pulled away more carefully than I have ever done in my entire life! I waited till I was out of sight of him, and immediately broke down!

I have been struggling a lot lately, with a particular sin…it honestly is a constant battle. And lately I had begun to notice a drift in my relationship to God, and I had begun to fear that God’s wrath was building against me. Like how those huge rolling thunderheads on a hot summer evening, mean a storm is approaching, so I felt like God’s wrath was on my horizon and building greater and greater and waiting to strike at any moment.

I felt like God was against me, and that I was no longer of use to Him and at any moment it was all going to be over for me because His mercy was going to run dry on me and my rebellion.

It was a feeling and thought that was deep inside me…nothing that I told anyone else about…nothing that I thought about a whole lot, but certainly did think about.

Tears filled my eyes,. God…I deserved a ticket just now! Thankyou for your grace to me, shown through that policeman!” Those were my immediate thoughts (actually these are always my thoughts after getting pulled over). But this time the thoughts went further.Bethany…my daughter, you have been fearing my wrath, you think I have no use for you anymore because of your rebellion…I just saved you from that wreck!”

A light came on!! Fresh tears formed again, I could barely see the road I was trying to drive on, before long the tears were rolling down my face…I was sobbing. Father…I can’t believe Your grace towards me! I can’t believe you have given me yet another chance…I need to change! I have seen Your hand of protection before…but now I have seen it in my own life!

When I finally arrived at the old couple’s home I pulled out the warning and read it. The thing I was pulled over for is an FTY (failure to yield), this is ironic because not only was it a blunder I had pulled with my car, it was a blunder I was/am currently pulling in my spiritual road of life as well! When I sin it is a failure to yield to God, it was a blunder in my physical life and a blunder in my spiritual life as well.

I keep that warning in my billfold, to remind me of the grace of God, and of the fact that He is a God of second chances, and to remind me to yield to Him, and to remind me of the time I saw His hand!

To receive something directly from the hand of the giver, is way more special than receiving it second hand! Recently I did a study through God’s Word about His hand.

Here is what I found:

In 2 Chronicles 30:12 we see that there is a correlation between God’s hand and our obedience. So why then, when we do something right are we so quick to take the glory?:“The hand of God was also on Judah to give them one heart to do what the king and the princes commanded by the word of the LORD.”

Apart from the grace of God: there go I!!

The focus of this particular writing was on the “goodness”  in God’s hand. It was more focused on pointing out the protection  of God’s hand. But we must remember that while we sing “Stayed upon Jehovah” we must also sing “It is well with my soul.” What I mean by that is, while it is true there is protection from the hand of God, He also brings pain. But we always can know and rest in the fact that it is always for our good (Rom. 8:28). There are wonderful riches from God’s hand, sometimes they are sugar coated and sweet, other times they are bitter. But how we must accept both! We see the pain that God hands in Job 19:21:

“Pity me, pity me, O you my friends, For the hand of God has struck me.”

May we accept the bad as we accept the good: with praise to Jehovah!! “Every blessing (good) You (God) pour out, I’ll turn back in praise….when the darkness (bad) closes in Lord STILL I WILL PRAISE!

Ever wonder why we pray before we eat? Ever had the “food prayer” become mundane? Ever go into auto-pilot during this particular “prayer time?” You know the prayer: “Dear heavenly Father, thankyou for this food. Amen” I sometimes wonder what He must think when we say things like that without really meaning it. I sometimes wonder how many times I actually mean it.  How our prayers could change!

Ever grow tired of your job? Ever complain about it? Ever wish you didn’t have to work? What a different persecptive and work ethic we could have!

 How could our prayer for supper change? How could our work ethic (even a work day!) change? If we saw both as from the very Hand of the Almighty God!!  In Ecclesiastes 2:24 we see that both drink and food and labor are all from God’s hand:“There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good. This also I have seen that it is from the hand of God.”

This is the best part about the hand of God! Jesus being at the right of it: Mark 16:19 “So then, when the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, He was received up into heaven and sat down at the right hand of God.”  Acts 2:33 “Therefore having been exalted to the righthand of God, and having received from the Father the promise of the Holy Spirit, He has poured forth this which you both see and hear.”

This is amazing because Christ LIVES!! And also because of the work He is doing for us at God’s right hand:

Romans 8:34 “who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.” There is no one who condemns! Because we have a Savior Jesus Christ, Who shows His scars He bore for our sins!

What we are to live for, what we are to aim for is also at the right of God’s hand:Colossians 3:1 “ Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.” We now have purpose and meaning in life!

The result of knowing God’s hand and what He holds in side it and what is at the right of it, is HUMILITY! God has power in His hand to lift up, to strike down. To give and to take away, all for His glory and that our hearts be drawn closer to Him. We must submit and trust in Him:

1 Peter 5:6 “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time”

But the best thing (next to Jesus being at the right of God’s hand) is the protection that those who have trusted Christ as their substitute for the penalty of their sin, have! Jesus and God (both!) hold us in their hand: John 10:28-30: “ And I (Jesus) give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father , who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” Believers We got double the protection!! Two sets of hands on us!! PRAISE JEHOVAH once saved = ALWAYS SAVED!!

   So friend, where are you?  Maybe you don’t have that double protection. Maybe you have never accepted Christ as your substitute for your sin. I urge you, accept Him today! If you would like to know more, reach out and message me!! I would love to share with you about my great Savior and what He did for you!

Perhaps friend, you are saved, and maybe you are wandering like I was (and still do). May you know that God is a God of second chances and mercy, but also know that He does chasten (Heb. 12) those who He loves, He wants to be first in our lives because He knows that is the only life that is worth it all!

Or Maybe you need a different perspective on:  trials…on blessings… on your own obedience…on Christ….on your aim and goal in life…on your job…on the food and drink…on the prayer you pray before eating your meals… maybe you need to more readily acknowledge the hand of God in these areas! Maybe you need to submit and humble yourself under His hand!

Whatever it is friends, I pray God has spoken to you through His Word and that the Holy Spirit  has convicted and that you get the help you need, and that you learn to trust God and submit and to change the things that need changed! May you have been encouraged!! God bless you, and may you see His hand in your own life as I have!

Ps. If you have seen the hand of God in your own life, please share! Comment and let me know how you have seen His hand! It’s everywhere!! 

Sibling Rivalry!

Pride sparkling in his eyes, my father brought the little bundle down to our level so we could see. “This is Joseph.” Krista and I were but four and two. Our little bodies swelled with excitement. Little did we know that we would have the privilege of repeating this very scene three more times! I have had many different reactions from others upon hearing that I grew up in a family of six kids.

Things like: “Never a dull moment” (They are right there…from making a sand box out of our couch, to climbing on our roof while dad was in a deacons meeting, to breaking windows, to making fun movies, to stunts like no one would believe!). Things like: “Aw I bet that was fun! Someone always has your back.”

 What dreams my parent’s must have had for us! They longed to see us get along. I can’t imagine what it was like for them when the first fight broke out amongst us. It was most likely between Krista and I (there would be many to follow…to my shame). Most likely the fight was  over a toy, or over the attention of our parents. How it must of hurt my parents to see us fight so. “They are sisters!”

I can still remember one of my dad’s favorite sayings “You are ___ (insert sibling name: Krista’s…Joe’s…Andy’s..Caleb’s…Breanna’s) best friend! You should not treat them like that!” It is a saying that I appreciated, and that he said so often that we all began to refer to each other as such: Friends (Still do!)

I would even tell my own friends that my best friends were my siblings, many of my friends said they had wished they could have that kind of relationship with their siblings. I always wondered why they did’nt…sure us Duffy kids fought (still do) but at the end of the day we always asked for forgiveness and did our best to mend the ways and call eachother friend once again.

Sibling rivalry… it happens…it is to be expected…or is it?

I could hardly contain myself. Focus Bethany, focus! You need to get this literature paper done! Right…yes of course…BUT how can I when I know Joshy will be here any minute with my valentine…my sweet lil pup..??!!!”

Moments later, I got the text I had been waiting for, telling me he was here and that I should come out and see her. I practically ran out of that library at faith! Once outside, under the light of the moon, I could see Joshy’s face beeming with pride, and with the joy of seeing my own face light up. He set the tote down and I rushed to it. Down inside was the cutest furball I had ever seen.

“Do you like her?”

“Oh Joshy, I love her!” I would have given him a hug, had we not been “on campus.” Lol. “Good, she is your valentines day gift.”

Joshy and I were elated!! God had already blessed us with a Siberian Husky (Joshy’s dog chief), and now here we were, blessed once again. This time with a little mini Aussie mix pup that was free! He brought her home and I fell in love with little Fiona (we wanted an Irish nameJ ).

She is all spunk, and has quite the little character about her. Timid around strangers, is her only downside J. She melts my heart!

The lady we got her from, had an “accidental litter.” Her mini aussie male got to her female border collie. So she gave all the pups away for free. By the time we had heard about it, she had a home for all accept Fiona (which was ironically the one I liked the best from the pics.).

Since we have been blessed with a farm, Joshy and I knew that we would want some good hardy “farm dogs.” So we told the lady that if anyone backed out on any of the others we would take just one more…little did we know what we were getting into!

A couple of weeks went by, we were really beginning to enjoy Fiona. I took her out to run at the farm any chance I could. It’s always fun to go to the back pasture and run down that big hill (reminds me of little house on the prairie lol) and watch Fiona speed past me!

She is also HUGE on fetch and so that was a joy as well! Oh and she loves chasing soccer balls, and I love kicking them!! Anyways, it was fun!

Then the day came when we were contacted by the lady we got Fifi from. She told Joshy that someone had backed out on taking Fiona’s sister, and asked if we wanted her. Joshy of course came to ask me what I thought. Now, I have always loved animals, but especially dogs in particular, what an amazing blessing to have a man who loves them just as much as I do.

Sometimes I wonder why from the beginning I have always had a fascination with dogs, and living in the country and farm life and hunting and fishing…God knows best!! He has had a plan all along…so thankful He is writing my story and not me!

Anyways, I said “yes” of course. I could see the joy light up in Joshy’s eyes. We will own two pups…sisters at that! “It’ll be like having twins!!” Joshy just rolled his eyes.

“Okay maybe not quite…this will be fun thought sweets! Two farm pups!”

If only we had known! He went to get her and brought her back. I loved her too. But as I got to know her, I loved Fiona a bit more, and Joshy began to love Alice more.

I was expecting Alice to look a bit different than Fiona, but Alice (also an Irish name) was night and day from Fiona. She not only looked different, she was different!

 Where Fiona is lighter colored and looks more like an Aussie, Alice is much darker and looks like a border collie.

Fiona has a bit more course of a coat (not real course) but Alice is extremely soft. Where Fiona loves to play and is all “GO GO GO!” Alice is more of a cuddler, she would rather lay by your feet and have you pet her. Fiona is far more scared of the cows out at the farm and will only bark at them, Alice however, charges at them and runs at them like they are little chickens! So as you can tell, they were not cut out of the same mold!

But all that was okay. It would have been nice to have two different types of dog at the farm. It would have been nice to have Fiona the “go go go” and Alice the brave, and all their stark differences. I came to love them for who they were, enjoying their strengths and differences.

But they didn’t get along at all! We learned this early on. When we first introduced them their immediate reaction was to growl at one another. Not at all what Joshy and I had expected and even looked forward to. We figured that since they were sisters, and since they had not seen each other in forever, they would whimper and kiss one another and have some puppy play. It was kind of a huge let down to see their hair bristle, and watch them be so wary of one another. It was like they were judging one another and protecting themselves.

As time went on, we discovered that we could not feed them together. They began to fight over food. And not long after that they began to fight over us, and the attention we gave to each. Joshy and I were at such a loss as to what to do. We loved them both, we had plenty of food for both, plenty of love for both.

But they just would not stop fighting. It was awful! They fought so hard they would make each other bleed. Their fights would last for quite some time (until they ran out of steam to keep going).

It was sad and devastating…we just wished they would get along…we longed for them to just “get over it” and back down. They only had their puppy teeth, but were already doing damage. They were sisters…were they not suppose to love one another? Truth is they were fighting for dominance. For significance, they wanted to be more significant than the other.

Upon watching fight after fight, I began to be afraid to even spend time with them anymore, for fear that another fight would break out. I no longer looked forward to time at the farm because of them. It was just a mess! I was beginning to dread having them both! Something had to change. So we gave Alice to a really nice horse farm. She is a good herding dog, and will do wonderful there I am sure.

Someone on the outside looking in on this little story might think there is nothing to be learned. Or perhaps you have picked up on the obvious lesson of being wise in ones decisions. But what about the less obvious lessons? There are somethings to be learned here of not only our relationship with others, but with God as well!

Alice and Fiona were aiming as I stated before, for significance, for prominence above the other. They wanted Josh and I to choose one over the other. Alice wanted us to be all about her, while Fiona wanted us to be all about Fiona. They each wanted ALL the food (“leave no food for the other” mentality.) They wanted all our attention for just them (leave none for the other pup).  They could not show love to one another (as we think they automatically should…being after all sisters!) because they were too busy trying to get to the top!

It was painful to watch, it was sad and it made me fearful to watch them fight. This friends is a picture of what it must be like for God Almighty to look upon the fights Christians with other Christians!!

If you are a believer, if you have accepted Christ as your Savior, you are now a child of God: “John 1:12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to becomechildren of God, even to those who believe in His name.”

Romans 8:16 “The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God,”

The World does not understand this bond with have with God:

1 John 1:3 “See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be calledchildren of God; and such we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.  

If we are then children in relation to God, then we are then and therefore siblings of all saved people!! Is’nt odd how we just assumed tht Fiona and Alice would get along simply because they are sisters? Everyone who I have talked to about their fighting, agrees with me, they should get along, they are sisters!

 God must think the same!

How it utterly must devastate Him when He sees us, His dear children, what He must think… perhaps He thinks “What ____ is fighting ____??! They are sisters (or brothers, or siblings depending upon the situation)…this should not be!” We think it odd when sibling animals fight; we think the same even when we see physical, blood related humans fighting! How much the more should we when SPIRITUAL SIBLINGS FIGHT!

 Christians fight, we have all seen it (and have most likely had our share in the spiritual sibling rivalry). We Christians fight other Christians for many different reasons. Over where we sit at church, over what music should or should not be played in church. We fight over the color of the carpet for pete’s sake!

We all know and have known these things. But what it can boil down to, is often exactly what Fiona and Alice’s boiled down to. We all want to be significant; we all want everything (nothing left for any other but us). It started at Satan’s fall (wanting to be better than God) and has trickled down to every part of creation! We want the lime light! We want our way, or the highway!

These desires drive us, they sit on the thrones of our hearts, and we all know that what is in our hearts comes out! God through the writer James, the brother of our Savior Jesus Christ, tells us exactly why we fight with others:

“What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage  war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask [c]with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.” James 4:1-3. We fight because we have wrong desires. We either desire the right thing at the wrong time, or in the wrong way.

From watching my own dear puppies fight, I can begin to see a small picture of what it must be like for God the Father to watch His dear children (Christians) fight their siblings! Fiona still has scabs all over her neck from the battles (Alice managed to get none).

We too, have battles, and we too often get hurt as well (emotionally, for some maybe even dare I say physically). If you take a look at the armour of God Eph. 6, you will quickly notice that all of the weaponry is frontal. What I mean is it is all to protect the front of you. Why you may ask…that’s because Roman soldiers (Paul’s inspiration for the armour of God) needed not be protected on their backs, because their comrades, those fighting by their sides, were to protect one another. Thus the statement “I got your back!”

You see we don’t have protection for our backs, they are exposed, perhaps this is why it stings SO badly, and also why it is so odd, when siblings turn and weild the sword against us (for some reason the battle of music comes to mind…probably because often Scripture is pitted against scripture in this battle!). What God must think when He sees this! Oh the wounds that should have never been there!

Sad thing is, our job as soldiers is to stand, not to advance (significance thing we always aim for and fight over). We are not to aim to gain ground but rather to keep the ground we have! But how hard that is when we begin to fight our comrades! We lose ground folks! And Satan gains it!!

So perhaps you are currently involved in a battle with another Christian. WE must remember we ARE SIBLINGS! We are all Children of God! We don’t need to fight for significance, God uses everyone and has gifted us all:

“Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, 3 being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all.

7 But to each one of us grace was given )according to the measure of Christ’s gift. 8Therefore it says,

“(When He ascended on high, He (led captive a host of captives, And He gave gifts to men.” Eph. 4:1-8

We are ONE! Did you catch that?? We all serve the same God! ONE GOD! We are to keep the unity! Did you catch that? We were all once the same: captive! Did you catch that? And what has God done? He has given us gifts! Just like Fiona and Alice were not the same, just like they had their own set of unique strengths and weaknesses, so too all Christians have their own unique strengths and weaknesses. But the same is true for all: we have all been given gifts! So use them! Don’t be envious of other’s gifts, be thankful to God for them!

 Christ said we are to be known by our love for each other (other Christians). One of the greatest hinderances to the furthering of His Kingdom is the battles we fight with one another…it damages our testimony to the unsaved:

“By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35

So perhaps today you need to mend a relationship with a sibling (spiritual) of yours? Does love need to cover it??:

“Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

Do you need to forgive? Be forgiven? Whatever it is, above all you are to love:

“By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35

I pray you were challenged as I have been!

Spiritual Counterfeits: PART TWO

I have always been known in my family for my stubbornness/tenaciousness. Wound up within my heart is an energy that is fierce and ready to stand against whatever gets in my way, no matter the cost. The sheen in my eye, the curled lip, I won’t give in. At two it took the form of not giving in when mom and dad told me for the umpteenth time not to tease Krista. At five it took the form of not wanting to wear the new shoes mom bought me. As a teenager it looked like me rebelling against my parents and not heeding their warnings about the young man I was dating that I should not have been. As a college student it looked like me being unwilling to surrender to marriage, “I will never marry!” Oh how I dug in…how I wanted my way. How I manipulated and stood my ground. And the list goes on and on and on!

That was what my stubbornness looked like. That is when I’m living for self. But when turned around that stubbornness could be tenaciousness, could be useful. At two it could look like me wanting to stack the blocks and not giving up till they were stacked just as they were supposed to be. At five it looked like me witnessing to the new kids I met…making sure everyone knew about Jesus. As a teenager it could look like me sticking to my decision to honor my parents and break off the wrong relationship with that young man.

I tell people all the time that I was my parent’s hardest child to handle, and my parents would say the exact same! It’s true I have grown over time, but it has been very evident this summer that I still have a LONG ways to go!

I could feel it. I knew God was trying to get a hold of my heart in the area of my eating disorder, but I wouldn’t give in! I wasn’t ready. Sure I was praying about it everyday, begging God to change my heart and mind about it. I begged Him to change me from the inside out. But really I still wasn’t ready.

I dug my heels in. I had just graduated college in May, and was looking forward to a wedding, but first I had to survive ten weeks of serving the Lord at IRBC as a cook. I knew that I was struggling, and felt so inadequate to serve the Lord in such a position, such a low spiritual state. But no one will know right? No one will find this out…no one will even be able to tell.  Besides you need to lose weight for this wedding…you have gotten HUGE lately, I mean just look at yourself.”

“I hate how I feel so fat….something has to change. I know I can lose lots of weight while I work at camp! Working long hours in the heat and running everyday. Things will get better! No one will know. Sure mom has warned you not to lose weight while at camp…but she wont be up there all the time…this should work.”

“No…No Bethany! People will know! People will find out…you need to heed your mom’s warning! There is so much at stake! Purpose in your mind now to change, to stand strong and to grow at camp and not fall back into your sin. Stand strong!”

Oh the battle that was raging for my heart ever since I was sixteen. Satan knows my struggle well, he knows how easy it is to trip me up. Oh how I fight, how I struggle…and it seems that a lot of the time he wins battle after battle. But I know that God is an awesome and loving and gracious God, and no matter how many battles Satan wins, God will win the war, and that’s all that matters!

It was Sr. high camp now…I had made it thru most the whole summer as a cook at IRBC. I thought I was “getting away” with my little secret…but people knew…God wouldn’t let me hide (praise Him). I remembered the verse “be sure your sin will find you out.” How true that was!

“You are so skinny!”… “Have you lost weight?”… “That’s all your eating?”… “you can’t run in this heat!”… These comments were made by many people. Each was a warning directly from God. Unbenounced to the people whose lips passed these questions at me, God was using every single one of them!

And is’nt that just like Him? Have you ever noticed how in scripture when someone disobeyed Him, how He always asked them questions…graciously giving them a chance to speak truth and come to Him in repentance and be restored though they do not deserve it. Some examples would be Adam and Eve, Cain, and countless others. That is just God’s way though, it is not a wonder at all that the scriptures refer to our God as a God of grace and mercy! He never lets any sheep of His to stray long!

These questions kept coming at me all summer long. I avoided them seemingly easily, with excuses and glossing over the issue or worse lying about it. I wanted to stay in the dark…but God kept turning on the flood lights! I couldn’t hide long.

As I said it was Sr high camp now.  One of the biggest and hardest weeks of our entire summer. Serving close to 600 at every meal, staying up a little later, and working harder. It was the big push to keep going!

But oh how the Lord always seems to do a mighty work this week. If you asked us as a staff, we wouldn’t trade any hardship or trial of Sr. High camp for the great work that God does in the hearts and lives of all those teens. While it is exhausting it is also encouraging and uplifting!

There I was, trying to hide…quenching the spirit time after time. I knew God was on my tail…He wouldn’t give up. Every sermon…every devotional that I had heard and read this summer all seemed to shine the light even brighter on my sin of an eating disorder.

I was beginning to get tired of hiding…beginning to break down and see my need for a change…see my need to come back to the One true God and forsake the idols I had stuck up. They were not delivering…I still felt empty...longing for more. I also knew I was getting dangerously thin...and I needed to be rescued and set free from the Lord.

What do you think happened next? Let me guess you think that I heard a sermon that just leveled me. Exposed and enlightened me like never before..right? Wrong! He actually used His Word (sermons and devotionals all along the whole summer) but the thing that was the “final straw” was God using the song service and the choir’s song to get a hold of my heart.

Never in my life has the Lord used that as He did that day. The song leader at Sr/ High camp does a wonderful job every year at putting songs together. Tim Jones is his name. And I always thought that putting together a song service would be a “piece of cake.” Right? You just pick out a few songs, line up a pianist and put together a choir piece. Wrong! Not for Mr. Jones. This past year I learned that he stays up late into the night praying and pouring over the prep of the song services for the next day.

God used the message of the songs that night to finish the work He had started in me at the beginning of the summer. He helped me to see my selfishness for what it was…helped me to remember that I had been bought at a price (the life of His One and Only Son Jesus Christ). And helped me to realize my need to surrender to Him.

I usually try not to cry in front of people and usually do a pretty good job of that…but I broke down right there in my pew amidst a sea of sr. highers. I cried out to the Lord and surrendered in that moment before the service even really started.

Now, it’s true I surrendered in that moment…but as I saw in the following days (and even now) it really is often a moment to moment surrender. The battles still rage…I still struggle. But the amazing thing is God sent me accountability (the other cooks as I was able to confess to them and enlist their help)…Lynnae also stepped in and we had some good discussions about it…my mom was the most help checking with me daily…and of course Joshy has been used by God as well.

The battles are far from over…they will rage until I am finally set free from this body and forever sanctified and join my Savior in heaven (whether by death or rapture..MARANATHA!).

It’s a daily struggle…I stumble a lot, but the amazing and most wonderful thing is: I have seen first hand the kind of gracious God we serve! I didn’t just read about His grace, I have SEEN it first hand!

So friends, may you know today beyond a shadow of a doubt that God always seeks that which is lost (Luke 15).

From one wandering sheep to the others out there, may you come to the fold of our wonderful and loving Shepherd!!

Spiritual Counterfeits: PART ONE

The green ball flies through the hot summer air, whizzing ore the grassy green field. The ball lands and is instantly engulfed in the green blades. Camouflaged now by its nest in the grass, the ball eludes the little pup that sprang for it when it was thrown. The pup is not deterred however, despite the tall grass and the fact that the tennis ball has totally disappeared from view, the puppy tenaciously keeps after the ball. Zigzagging left and right across the field, nose to the ground, she pauses only every once in a while to sniff the air, trying to catch even the faintest odor of the familiar smell. My scent is what she is striving to catch. Joshy and I watch her with pride. Fiona has been a delight to both of us since Joshy got her for me for Valentines Day. She is quite an odd looking dog, with her brown eyes that have blue swirls in them, and her blue merle coat (typical of the Australian shepherd). She has a very slender body and long legs and ears that stick up and quite a long snout, all this combined I guess makes her look like a coyote, for I have been asked on many occasions if she is one! Makes me even more proud seeing as I love wild dogs J.

Anyways,  Joshy and I were greatly delighted when we first discovered how good she was with fetch. Running hard after the ball, she always brings it back and gives it to us for another round. She will play fetch all day if we let her. Even when she is beat tired, as soon as she catches sight of her Frisbee or hears the sound of a tennis ball on concrete, she is to her feet, eyes sparkling; they dance almost daring you to throw whatever is in your hand.

“Look at her Joshy…she won’t give up till she finds it or we call her off and stick her in her kennel.” A winsome grin tenderly lights upon his handsome face, that cockeyed grin I love so, as he says “I know. She won’t.”

“She is a good dog…I’m so proud of her.”

 All the while, all she can think about is finding that ball and bringing it back to us. For she knows that we will be most pleased with her, and this is the her soul desire at the moment: for her masters to be delighted. And Nothing, nothing would stop her, she will keep after that ball till she finds it, and find it she always does, because she is tenacious, she won’t give it up!

The  hot summer wind blows my fly away hairs all about, Joshy slips his hand into mine as we walk side by side. We were both buzzing with talk about different things, lost in conversation. Suddenly Fiona begins to bark and strains at the leash. Our attention is ripped from one another to a stupid squirrel in a yard we were walking past. Josh pulls Fiona in closer. “Fiona, NO! Fiona that’s enough, Fiona…” That stern tone is hardly ever heard from Josh’s mouth. He is such a sweet man, he is usually either really happy (hyper lol) or sad, never usually angry or stern. But when he is, he gets a stern tone. Employing that now, Joshy continues to call her name, pulling her from the yard and back onto the sidewalk. Had Josh not been stronger than Fiona and able to pull her away, she would stay after that squirrel till it got away or she got it.

So was this her tenaciousness at work again as it was with the tennis ball? Or was this something else? Stubbornness is more like it! It is her tenaciousness twisted around in an ugly and most annoying form.

For every good thing of God, Satan always offers a counterfeit. This is something that looks very similar to the “real deal” but is totally false. It’s like having a bowl of whipped topping (God’s goodness) before us and then a bowl of shaving cream (Satan’s counterfeit), they both look alike but are obviously very very different! Used for two very separate purposes, and won’t work well in either’s place.

The one that is probably most popular is God’s Creation Account in Genesis 1 verses the Evolution Theory in Darwin’s’ book. They look alike in that they both try to answer how everything got here, but the difference is one is a theory and one is indeed fact (Romans 1)!

            As I have pondered these things betwixt Satan and God I have found that there are many “real deals” and their “counterfeits” combinations.

Some that hit closer for us perhaps are the world’s philosophy of “love yourself” verses God’s law that says we ought to love Him first and then others (Matthew 5:45).  Notice even how different the wording is there. One is a philosophy, this carries with it the notion of if you want to, it’s up for grabs and for debate. While God’s is not a philosophy it is a command. It is a must, it is not up for debate or discussion; we are to love God and our neighbors, end of story! Notice the very different purposes as well. One is centered on purposes and goals that help to satisfy and delight self; while the other is centered on purposes and goals that help to satisfy and delight God.

           

The one that hits closest to home for me is tenaciousness (God’s) versus stubbornness (Satan’s). Some might say “well are they not the same thing?” My argument is that they are not. True they are both energy that stands against something. Like a rock in the midst of a mighty and raging river. All about the rock things are tossed too and fro. Sticks, logs, foam and leaves are all at the mercy of the currents. They are moved along by the current, taken wherever it goes, but not a rock. It stands firm in its place, despite the pounding water against it. Both tenaciousness and stubbornness are like that rock, they both stand against the currents that come their way. They both don’t budge.

           

 However, there is obviously a fine line betwixt the two. The difference lies within their end, within their goals. Tenaciousness has a good goal, a goal that is set on delighting in and satisfying God no matter the cost. While stubbornness is focused entirely on self, on delighting in and satisfying self, no matter the cost.

 Think back to the two scenarios with my pup Fiona. In the first scenario, with the frisbee, we would say that Fiona was being tenacious. She was focused on pleasing her masters and would not give up till she did it. However, with the squirrel, she was being stubborn, digging her heals in and not willing to move. In one instance her energy and ability to not give up was good, in another it was entirely wrong and a hindrance to us, her owners. The same can be said of us and our relationship to God! When we are focused on what God wants us to be doing (the Frisbee), when we have delighting Him as our highest goal, then our stubbornness is actually tenaciousness. But when we have delighting self as our goal that tenaciousness is twisted into stubbornness. So what we need to watch most closely is not what we are heading after (the Frisbee or squirrel) but WHO we are heading after. For when we truly have pleasing God as our goal our stubbornness becomes tenaciousness. Our pride becomes humility. Our selfishness becomes selflessness. Our hate becomes love. Our anger becomes peace. Our stealing becomes giving. Our lying becomes integrity and honesty. Our hurtful and wrong speech becomes blessing the Lord and others, and the list goes on. It’s no wonder than that Christ told us to “guard our hearts, for out of it spring the issues of life.” He knows that we were made to worship, made to delight someone other than ourselves, and He knew that whoever/whatever has the thrones of our hearts would be played out and seen in the things we do and say.

So much can change just with (W)who is on the throne of your heart!